LEAP FOR JOY!

Happy effin' LEAP DAY everyone!

Aviva for weigh in today! I wasn't really sure how much I had lost. My scales are on the fritz again, so it's been hard to estimate. It was a sleety slushy mess this morning as I headed out the door. Totally forgot my beanie, but that's okay my hair dries quick. I rolled up in the office and did my usual thing. Checked in and sat down in the waiting area. Aviva is a really beautiful office. Dr. Cusimano picked out all the decorations and interior set up for it, and it really feels comfortable. She has a bit of a Home Goods obsession, so that's where she gets all of her furnishings and such. There was a gentleman sitting across from me, and I noticed his binder. We all have binders we bring to every appointment. It logs our weights, blood pressure, lab work etc. He struck up a conversation with me about the program. I'm super happy that more people are discovering her office, and making the effort to take care of their health!

Ruth was back in the office today, and as much as I hate to say it--I was REALLY hoping she wouldn't call me back to the exam room. Last time she took me, I was there for like two hours. Luckily Ciarra popped her head around the corner and took me! I hopped on, wondering how I did and bam! I melted away another two pounds! I was SO excited! When we got back into the room, she asked me why I thought I gained. Mostly because it's that lovely time of the month, and I was feeling like a beluga whale! I am officially back down into the 80's, 188 to be exact! YAY! Two more pounds until I hit my first 20lb mark! I couldn't be MORE EXCITED! Don't forget, I still have my goal of another 20lbs to lose by May 7th.  


I'm super confident that I can lose probably another two to three pounds during this week. It's such a great feeling! For me, it's a little OCD. Once I get out of one range, I promise myself to not see it again on the scale. The lower my numbers get, the further away I am to relapse. For the first time, I myself, noticed my face is thinning out! Everyone kept telling me that, but when you see yourself everyday...you just don't notice! It's really strange to see you melting away in front of your mirror. Super rewarding. Leaves me with that extra umph to know, I can do anything I put my mind to! 

*

Another stroke of great news, Hanny sent me the link to her new blog she's writing! This is one girl, that loves to eat! Han is very small and healthy, she's not overweight by any means...for this I am insanely jealous! She's been living in LA with her fiance Jason for about a year, and those two are always on an adventure! She did mention how her blog was the complete polar opposite of mine, but I don't mind at all!

Blogging is all about writing what you know. Rhonda inspired me to begin to blog about my weight loss journey, and now I've inspired Han to write an adventure of her own! Not only did I want to keep myself in check, but I was tired of scouring the web for information on VHP (very high protein) shakes, success rates with these programs, tastes, costs, even find another patient of Dr. Cusimano's with a REAL story. So I decided to write my own. So people would know that I keeps it real! Jules also has a blog, that is completely wonderful. She's been blogging and actively writing for years now, and I can't help but keep checking back for her posts. I don't get to see Jules as often as I like, but I feel like I'm so much closer to her through her blog. It's been a really great experience blogging on here.

Like Maggie Mayhem said in Whip it:

"Throw on your own skates, and be your own hero."

Be your own kind of bad ass, and make sure that the life you were given was worth it! Sharing what makes your world go round, your passion, your favorite things is awesome. The great thing about blogging, is that you have a record essentially of your days and life. And it's totally not like fb timeline lol. I share things with the world on here, that I don't normally spit out. Like how much I weigh for example. I gots to keep it real somewhere right!? I tip my hat to any blogger, hell any author for that matter that is brave enough to bare a little soul for the world to know.

If you guys have a bit of time, check out these blogs from my girls!

Girl Eats World

Silver Lining

Rhonda is Losing it

Munchies came to haunt me...

This cat's facial expression, says it all. Everyone gets those insane cravings for really awful food. Like aerosol cheese from a can and crackers, chips with french onion dip, a big sundae the size of a Vermonster! Y'all know how it goes. I haven't noticed any like super real cravings until it hit me like a ton of bricks Tuesday. I WASN'T hungry at all is the weird part. I wanted something super salty and delicious, kettle cooked salt and vinegar chips to be exact. It was like some kind of crazy frenzy washed all over me and I was like I NEED THEM, MUST FIND THEM! Like I'm some kind of a crazed drug addict! 

You know how people have that theory about quitting smoking? You only supposedly crave a cigarette for the span of ten seconds? Like you're supposed to count to ten when you have one and it magically goes away? Yeah well that's kind of how this was. I'm not really sure what happened, but one minute I COULDN'T LIVE WITHOUT THEM, and the next minute I didn't even know why I wanted them! Strange right? I think I've figured out. When the munchies come back and try to take me to junk food hell, just be lazy and don't move. THAT'S RIGHT, I TOLD YOU DON'T MOVE! Moving during one of these cravings is likely to lead you to a midnight store run, once you're at the store you'll find other crap that you just gotta have, you'll BUY all of these and take them home. Then you'll park it somewhere comfy, open up your treats and let the munchie goblins lead you STRAIGHT TO THE BOWELS OF HELL AT THE BOTTOM OF THE BAG! Then you'll wake up, like it's a bad dream...and you'll have nothing but crumbs all over you AS PROOF!

Dramatic, I know. But seriously, that's how it is! Crazy! It's taken me a while to get the knack of how to curb my cravings, and not take munchie goblin's hand to lead me into a dark alley where I for sure will be shanked! Even when I have given into the little bastard, I ALWAYS feel horrible about myself--so why bother doing it right? Anyway, I hope my little horror story inspired some of you readers to deal with cravings. It's something that you'll eventually adapt to, and when you get there it'll be so rewarding!

Nonchilada...

Just tacos please!

There wasn't too much going on Monday that I did. I've been increasingly tired lately and I'm blaming it ALL on the Bactrim. UGH. Definitely not taking that antibiotic again, it's kicking my ass! Okay, okay...I've posted more than enough about how I HATE taking this antibiotic I need to put it to rest! I'll proceed to ZIP it now! :)

The weather here has been so crazy! It'll be cold and snowy and then out of nowhere jump to like 50 degrees! Thank you global warming I guess haha! I took my first stab at trying to eat and enchilada today. SO NOT A FAN. Mexican food is not my favorite. There's a big difference between Taco Bell and authentic Mexican/Southwestern food. I'm a taco and nacho girl. The only real burrito I've ever had, was a cheesy gordita crunch from T-Bell lol. Not REAL at all! I do appreciate the spices, and I REALLY want to like Mexican food...but alas no mas. It was half of a vegetarian enchilada, filled with cheese and spinach. I probably would have been cool with it, but then the sauce on top. I feel the same way about Mexican food, as I do hot sauce. Love the smell, but I can't stomach the taste. They say your taste buds magically change every seven years (or is that how long gum is supposed to digest?), maybe someday down the road I'll like it. But for now, if I do Mexican I'll be going straight to Taco HELL lol.

Haven't had much of an appetite lately, not really sure why. Maybe my stomach is shrinking. I am noticing I'm getting full A LOT faster! Like a few bites, not even half of my plate of whatever I'm eating and I'm done. Viola! I do believe I've concord one of the biggest problems people have with food: knowing when you're full!

Don't walk out in front of that bus!

What do you do,  when you see someone you love

headed down a path of destruction?

YOU SPEAK UP AND SAY SOMETHING!

As I get older and into my adulthood, I'm starting to understand (I think...) people a little bit more. Maybe it's my experience, maybe it's just all from learning--either way I've grown. It is incredibly difficult to watch someone you love and care about, keep themselves in scary circumstances. We all make choices for OUR lives, we are the only ones living it. Although I feel like I definitely respect every one's choice, I can't help but want to literally whisk them out of the road so they won't be road pizza!!!

Part of being a good friend, is caring for each other. A good friend tells you when you're being an asshole, calls you out on your shit, and backs you up all the way. I consider myself a good friend. I'll support YOU no matter what, but I don't have to support the people you choose to have in your life. It's super uncomfortable to bring up certain issues and to understand where people are coming from, but my ears are always up to listening. I love my friends enough, to be mean to them...when I have to be!

All I'm saying, is don't be afraid to be a good friend. Because I can promise you, that standing by and watching idly is a dangerous thing. 

Perpetual state of nausea...

FML

No one EVER enjoys being sick, especially me. The past two rotations I've had off, I've spent as a freaking hermit. I've been super duper sick, nausea 24/7--to the point where I'm NOT hungry and even the sight and smell of food makes it worse.

I have a big suspicion it's from the Bactrim. It's the only drug that I've added into the mix. I wasn't feeling that great on my week on, so I hoped to get off of it. To my great surprise, she called in another script for me. I feel drowsy, and like a sloth. I don't really want to do anything at all. I even made a point to sleep in, and it didn't do a damn thing.

Today I ventured out with my mom shopping for a bit, but even then I wasn't myself. Not really like irritable, I just don't feel like doing anything. Worst yet, I feel really guilty about staying in. I'd go out with my girls, but I seriously would not be much fun at all in the state I'm in. I've been dry heaving all day, and it's starting to really piss me off. I mean, if I'm going to dry heave I might as well just throw something up. NOPE, not in the cards for me...

This girl is a miserable hot mess today. 

Staying in with my dry heaves for the weekend.

Keep the ball rolling

Don't stop til you get enough!

It's that time of the year again, when our taxes come back and we have extra money in our pockets. I usually spend my tax money on bills and such, but last year I spent it on my vacation to the Dominican Republic. I don't regret that decision at all, it was a trip of a lifetime and I had so much fun! This year, I have plenty of other trips planned that probably won't cost me all that much. I've been debating on what to do with my tax return. I  need to save up money to buy airline tickets for my Mom and I to Hawaii for the wedding. I have plenty of time in advance to save up for the trip, but I just don't know what to do.

My sister bought me this really great book called "On my Own Two Feet", it's really helped me a lot. It's trademarked as the modern day girl's guide to personal finance. It breaks things down into really easy terms, where you can understand how to deal with your finances. Finances are something that you kind of learn on your own. As much as your parents can tell you how to do things, you just have to find out for yourself. I dug it out of my tote last night, and started flipping through the pages. Since I'm on a journey to better myself health wise, I've decided to fix my finances along the way. 

I'm horrible at saving money. TERRIBLE. For as much money as I make, I so don't have an emergency fund. Not cool. I honestly don't know what I spend my money on...thus I downloaded an app from Mint.com to help me out. This tool is really awesome and totally safe. It links all of your accounts onto one app and tracks your spending. So you can literally see, where your money goes. How much are you spending on shopping, eating out, bills etc. It's a great tool for anyone to keep track of their spending, and gives you tools to help set up a budget. Justifying not saving money, because I have two retirement funds is totally not okay. 

I've decided that I'm just going to pay off my Visa. I doubt that I'll rack up that much again on it. Tuck it away somewhere that I won't use it. My only real areas of debt are my credit card and my car. I paid off my student loans during my first year at work. Mainly because I didn't have a car payment or any other bills really. If I'm getting rid of putting bad shit into my body, then I should get rid of bad habits that put dents in my wallet. I have a little over a year left on my car payments, and my next move is to crank it out with double payments. I'd like to get rid of is ASAP. That way, I can sock away mad money in my savings. Save it up for an emergency or a moving fund, whatever I want. 

I don't plan on getting rid of Black Betty any time soon, so no new car for me. Who needs one when your car is perfectly fine?! Besides, I love her too much to give her up when there's nothing wrong with her. Working on my weight, and my finances--what else is there left to work on?! Get it done!

ANTI EVERYTHING. UGH.

ANTIBIOTICS, SUCK.

I'm taking Bactrim to get rid of this UTI, and I'm wondering if it isn't the culprit of making so unbelievably tired. I've been taking my meds religiously and exactly how I'm supposed to. I had another urinalysis Wednesday, and there were high counts of leukocytes which means I still have an infection somewhere. I don't even know how I got it!

Taking two pills a day for seven days is normal, but I'm not so sure that taking it for another week won't KILL me! GRRRRR. Nikki and Jax invited me out on Thursday for girls night at Red Lobster, and I WAS DYING TO GO. I had to bail out, because I know if I went I'd totally cheat! I really want to lose the 20lbs by May! We're planning a trip to Myrtle Beach for Labor Day week, so I definitely want to look good and feel comfortable more than anything in a swim suit. Gives me another excuse anyway to buy some new threads for the trip! Either way I know I'll have fun, with my bestest pals on the beach having a great time. I GOT TO LOSE THIS 20! I wasn't feeling so bad, because later Jax posted a status about eating a giant chocolate chip cookie--totally would have went straight to my ARSE!

This whole anti drinking bit, is really frustrating, and there's no easy way around it. I've said over and over again, that I didn't drink that much to begin with--and that's the truth. So why is this so hard for me to NOT drink?! It's so hard, because that's how I hang out with my friends and have a good time. Socially it is so difficult. If you think about it, food and drink has become such a "feel good" factor in our lives, no wonder that most of the population is obese. How do you go about changing your lifestyle socially, when that's how you have fun together? I'm more than ready for BBQ season, at least then I can control what I eat. It's just hard going out to restaurants and seeing everyone else eat really good looking food. And here I sit with my enormous bowl of rabbit food lol. It's just going to be a hard transition for me, but I just feel like I've been pinned to the wall with this whole ANTI fun crap. 

Can't eat really bad food anymore, can't drink anymore boooooooo. It does sound weird, because although those things might be fun, they're really not great for you. Just makes me wish I had never started eating crappy junk food or yummy beers and drinks at all. Once you get a taste of something good, it's just hard to give it up. It's like eating avocados. I avoided eating them because I KNEW I'd really like them. One day I gave in, and now all I bring to parties is guac. There goes the neighborhood...

Applicious

Time to weigh in again!

Wednesday rolled around and it was that time again! I was anxious at the office, wondering if my new medications were working. I hopped on the scale and I managed to melt away another pound! YAY! I'm very excited about it, because that means I'm finally down to 190. My appointments seem to be taking longer with Dr. Cusimano. The nurse visits don't really take that long, just enough time to weigh, lipotonix shot and set me up with my learning modules. Ruth the resident who was shadowing the office wasn't there this time. And I did finally find out that Jen did leave the office. She went to go work for the board of labor, which is great! I wish her a lot of luck, but I'll miss seeing her a lot.

I got my blood drawn again on Monday, and wouldn't ya know---the lady got in on the first try! I don't have bad veins AT ALL, it's more than obvious that some phlebotomists are better than others. Just in all in the amount of experience you have. The draw site didn't even bruise! So I'm very happy about that. My other arm has nearly healed entirely, so that's awesome. 

While I was waiting for my lab work to be faxed over, Dr. Cusimano came in to discuss some things with me. Apparently her daughter was messing around on Foursquare, and discovered that I was the mayor of Aviva. She was so cute, when she came into the room she said I hear you're mayor of my office?! HAHA! We got into a conversation about apps and if I liked to play interactive games and such. Dr. Cusimano was a systems analyst before she became a doctor, so she has tons of knowledge about computers. She asked me for my help in creating an app for her office! It was super cute that she considered asking my opinion. She bought herself a new Mac computer and a "how to" book on creating your own apps. I think it's a fabulous idea. 

Social media has taken over the world. Let's be honest, it's a DAILY activity in our lives. Sometimes I don't think it's such a great thing to rely on, considering some people are socially retarded in person--but sound perfectly adequate online. Who knows. I love Foursquare. Everything from collecting new badges to checking into new places. It's great! You can find really awesome tips and suggestions on a hot spot, before you even decide to go there! Plus there are some super witty comments when you check into places. It's great fun! Dr. Cusimano and I are cooking up an app for her weight loss program. An app where you can track your progress, chart out your labs and weight loss, keep track of medications and diet regiments, and best of all get prizes! LOL 

My labs have slowly started to even out, so I do think the medications are working. I'm on another week of antibiotics to try and get rid of this UTI. There's no more blood, but my leukocyte count is still elevated. We set some goals together, which I'm a wee bit nervous about. I need to lose 20lbs by March 7th. AHHHH! I KNOW I can do this...but it still scares me! I've been seeing her for four months and I'm not even at my first 20lbs yet! EEEEK! I THINK I CAN, I THINK I CAN....

I KNOW I CAN!

Pay it forward

Everyday!

A good friend of mine that I've made at work is struggling through his own weight loss battle. He stopped by the department over the weekend and we talked for a really long time. The trials and tribulations of insurance and all the hoops you have to jump through is frustrating. He is considering getting the lap band, possibly gastric bypass. 

We all have different coping mechanisms; excuses, our humor, self pity etc. There comes a point where we have to face ourselves and make the conscious decision to be happy. This may sound funny to some, but when you really think about it--it all makes sense. How many of us have prevented our own happiness? For various reasons or excuses that we all make up. Do we simply make the decision to give up, and hold the cards that we were dealt---or do we say "hit me" again?! Who ever thought that choosing to be happy was super difficult?! Well, it is. Everyone gives the advice to not settle, to always strive for something better. And yeah, if you have a great thing going on let it be! Just roll with it and don't make the mistake of dreaming up a self fulfilling prophecy of doom.

I am feeling more like myself, then I have in a long time. And best of all, I am happy. Sure I go on rants about things that stress me out and drive me bananas, but really at the end of the day my happiness is all that matters to me. A few months ago, I would have total thought I was selfish for even saying that. Not anymore! I deserve to be happy, and to have all of the happiness I can find in my life. Choosing to be happy, means that you have to make SERIOUS lifestyle changes. Changes in your thinking, feeling, seeing, changes in it all!

I would never recommend anything to anyone that I didn't personally believe in. The gastric bypass process is a long one. You have to go through psych evals, see nutritionists and dietitians, attend support group meetings and be held at a certain degree of responsibility. He needs to lose at least 100lbs, before they will be able to operate on him. I honestly feel like I've been in his shoes. Even though our weight on the scale may be far off from each other, I still know what it feels like to be the tubby girl. Everyone that has been in similar shoes, can totally relate. I wasn't quite sure if he would take my advice about going to see Dr. Cusimano or not. I've heard that several of her patients are no longer diabetic and off their medication, and that many considering the lap band or bypass have lost so much---they don't need to have it. It's totally up to him. Insurance is a pain in the ass, but I wouldn't have suggested he go unless I thought she could help him. Even if it was just to get the 100lbs off.

That night I went home and totally flaked out, forgot to e-mail him. I figured that I would get to it around the middle of the week when I was off. He shot me a text the next day asking if I sent that e-mail out! I am incredibly happy, because that tells me he's truly considering going to get help from her. It is such an amazing feeling to inspire someone. I was inspired to write this blog by Rhonda. She's a dear friend of mine, who recently had gastric bypass. I began using my posts to keep myself in check, and what it's turned into--is nothing short of therapy. If I can help anyone at all out there, wondering what it's like on this weight loss program, or someone who is in need of weight loss support--I'm totally your girl.

We all get lost in ourselves, wondering what the next step holds for our lives. Instead of waiting for that next step to get to you---go out there and get ya some! A mentor of mine told me that "trying" is setting yourself up for failure, just DO it. That may be right, but I think anyone who TRIES their damnedest earns a gold star from me.  There is no shame in makings changes, however scary they may be. Don't give in to your old habits. Know that there absolutely is, another way for your life. Making the same choices, and feeling like shit after is not a good thing ya got going on there. Find what makes you happy, go for that long term fix--because I can totally promise you, that quick band-aid you slapped on to "fix" things and make you feel good at the moment...will eventually get all cruddy, sticky and fall off leaving you with a grey gunky mess.

Charlie horse, hot flash, what next?!

OWWW!

Someone told me that being on cholesterol medication, can cause leg cramping. Charlie horses are the worst! This is even worse than one! I've learned the hard way, the trick to relieving a charlie horse. You just have to stand up real fast and put your foot flat on the floor. It'll hurt, but the muscle will eventually relax itself. Vitamin CO Q-10, is an enzyme that is supposed to help alleviate this problem. I don't get many cramps in my legs, but the rest of my body feels achy. I'm just overly stressed at work I think.

Thank god for Tuesday. I will be so happy to see it's bright shining face of hope at the end of the tunnel! After I go home last night I started thinking about work. I felt really bad about how I acted like a nasty irritated bitch, and was all ready to go in and apologize to the person today. Welp, didn't happen. As soon as I got in, I talked to my Senior tech on staff to see what his opinion was. I felt like I really needed to talk to him, so that he was aware of the situation. His immediate reaction was to go talk to the other supervisor about it, but I stopped him. I don't want it to get that far. The fact of the matter is, I have to work with this person and going off and making a big deal is not going to help. The only thing that will help, is my ability and skills to deal constructively with this situation. I need to learn this, so I can be a better person in the work force. He of course suggested nipping it in the bud, and just telling the other person. That to some degree it might be mean, but I don't have to deliver it that way. I'm going to give it a few more rotations through. If the problem persists, after I've spoken my peace about the issue---I'll press it further. Until then, I'm hoping they got a clue and will back off.

Just sucks because I've had to change my whole working pattern around. I enjoy being around the other staff and helping them do things around the department. Or just hanging out and talking about whatever. I feel like Bin Laden in dirty old cave with Mars candy bars. It's ridiculous. My mental charlie horse I'll have to put to rest lol.

I started taking the Niaspan on Friday and I didn't have any trouble with it. Last night, well actually early this morning I should say---I woke up ON FIRE. Like somebody call 911, shorty fire burning in her bedroom, ohhh ohhhh! BAD. On the little information packet they give you, it said to take an Advil or aspirin about 30 minutes before you take the pill. It will help decrease hot flashes. I forgot to take the Advil before hand and took it together. HOLY MAN. If this is what it feels like to be in menopause, I hope I have my period forever. I thought a hot flash was just that. A flash of like sweating and hottness all over. I didn't know it  would HURT! I felt like I had the WORST sunburn of my life. Like my insides were cooking and making their way up to the surface. My skin was PAINFUL and I wanted to run outside in the cold to make it stop. I laid there and contemplated just taking my blanket and pillow outside and sleeping so at least I wouldn't be on fire and in pain. I got up to go tinkle, and shortly after it went away. Weirdest thing ever. I REALLY hope I don't get one tonight! 

I'm a little scared to go to sleep now. Yowza!

No...it's not me

...it's definitely YOU.

UGH. I am so frustrated I don't even know where to start. I seriously loathe the fact that I bitch about things from work on here, but I'm not naming anyone so I guess it's okay. Have you ever worked with someone who just got under your skin? So bad, that the very sight of them makes you want to smack them across the face?! There are some personalities that I just can't seem to grasp and I have been faced with my biggest challenge. Working with someone who just gets on your freaking last nerve.

Now, I know that I am no angel either. I'd be stupid not to think people bitch about things I do. But I honestly could give a rats ass. What other people think about me, is none of my damn business. Keep that shit to yourself. One of my biggest pet peeves, is when people over complicate things. I will NEVER understand WHY they do. Isn't life complicated enough!? Just use your words and speak like a normal person would you? This specific individual comes off as an asshole to say the least. Insufferable know it all, who speaks to you like you have the IQ of a banana. What's even more irritating, is the fact they keep asking me questions---and then answering it themselves! Better yet, they constantly have to argue whatever you're talking about---then look it up and try to prove that they were right. WHICH hasn't happened very often, because I KNOW MY STUFF! WHAT THE HELL! It literally could be anything, actually it is ANYTHING they argue with me about. There's no point in even having a conversation. 

This weekend was horrific. I made an extreme point through body language that I wanted nothing to do with them. I barely even made eye contact. Now if that didn't help them get the freaking hint---I know it's not me. I was balls to the wall super busy all weekend. I've been driven down into the "bat cave" as I call it, to GET AWAY from this person. I was too busy anyway to go upstairs. They work in an allied department, and even though it's similar work---their job code is NOT the same as mine. Now we've all joked around saying "oh well we've earned our money today" when we get busy. But to make conscious decisions to COME DOWN TO MY CONTROL ROOM AND TELL ME FOUR DIFFERENT TIMES, NOW YOU'RE BEING A DICK. I'm clearly super busy and I don't need your help. If I did, I would have asked for it. The last time this person came down to BADGER me, I was right in the middle of doing a case. They persisted to ask me physics based questions about my equipment and wouldn't stop. I was super short with them. I NEED TO FOCUS AND YOU'RE DISTRACTING ME WITH STUPID SHIT. So finally, the rice got cooked and I just blurted out:

"I REALLY DON'T KNOW HOW TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTIONS!"

(with CLEAR frustration and annoyance in my voice)

Do you think this person would stop!? JEEEZ. I wanted to punch myself in the face so I could leave work and be rid of this horrible presence. I FLAT OUT TOLD THEM I WAS SUPER BUSY AND DIDN'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS CRAP. The spot where I got extremely offended and pissed off, was when they tried to tell me how to do my job. Again, this person clearly has NO BOUNDARIES OR RESPECT. I've been working for six years, have way more seniority and credentials--I don't need a rookie telling me how I should do my job.

I don't know what to do. I can honestly say, I've never had this problem in ANY of my jobs before. Usually people can pick up when I'm not in the mood to shoot the shit with them. I REALLY HATE BEING A BITCH, but people just leave me with no choice at all. WHAT SHOULD I DO? I'm going to have to work with this person as long as I'm on my shift at this facility...and I can promise you if I can't figure out what to do soon this chicky might just lose it.

Adam?

Is the creepy ghost floating around your apartment!

Saturday I decided to go over to Jax's for some post work fun. Much needed fun and girl time at least! The girls were already there, they all made dinner together and had drinks. I was uber jealous, because I was stuck at work as usual. 

I was super glad to get the french toast out of there, and anxious to get over to "Scaryville". That's what I call Jacki's side of town, because it is SCARY! She doesn't live in the best neighborhood by any stretch, but her apartment is great. I guess as long and she's cool with living there, I shouldn't be so worried.

Jacki fixed me up some mashed potatoes and asparagus left over and I ate and sipped tea while I was there. She literally has the cutest cats in the world. Needless to say, I ran them ragged playing with them for a few hours. I just can't resist, it got pretty bad---to the point where I made poor Caper lay down and pant really fast lol. Jacki told us this story about how her dad made her watch this show. Some haunted show crap or something like that. The story was this young child around five had clinically died and came back to life. While this little boy was in "the light", he claimed that he met this boy Adam. Who, we find out later that Adam was the name his parents picked out for their unborn son. There were complications and he had passed away. All of the sudden, we all felt this CHILLING air pass by...

HER FRONT DOOR SWUNG OPEN.

LMFAO, because she forgot to lock it shut. We were all rolling on the floor laughing. Poor Jacki! She's probably scared out of her mind. She even woke up in the middle of the night to go pee, and thought there was someone standing at her bathroom door. It ended up being her bath robe hanging from the door. We creeped ourselves right out!

They were all super understanding about me not wanting to go out. I can't drink at all anymore, especially not when I'm on an antibiotic. I'm more worried about getting this UTI to go away, which I am really shocked that even after one day of taking it---I feel so much better! Hopefully it'll go by quick and I won't have to worry about it anymore!

It'll suck the life outta ya!

Friday wasn't so great.

I got up early and headed to the pharmacy to fill my scripts. Taking so many meds makes me worried, as far as like the whole pill cocktail thing goes. The pharmacist was super nice, and she assured me that everything was perfectly safe to take. Thus I started on my antibiotic right away. 

I'm on Bactrim for about a week. I have to take two pills a day, roughly 12 hours apart. Many people are allergic to sulfa drugs, and because I have no known drug allergies---I guess about anytime is a good time to find out! I made sure I packed yogurt with me, and I mixed in some probiotic powder. Sure to keep away that nasty infections us ladies get. As if having to bear children and have your period wasn't enough, oh great big universe out there just decided to add yeast infections on the list! LOL. 

I ate and was okay for a while, until about 6pm. My face started to get super red and on fire. I'm lactose intolerant and allergic to fresh tomatoes--if I eat either of them my face will turn BRIGHT red, mostly my cheeks. If you gave me a glass of milk and forced me to drink it, that would be like my equivalent of water boarding. Most times it results in me projectile vomiting across the room and then super sick like I have food poisoning for the rest of the day. YUCK. I wasn't too upset about my antibiotic made sunburn, I knew it would go away. 

It just kind of sucked the life out of me. I started getting super drowsy...like to the point where I didn't even want to drive home. Don't worry, it was so cold outside that I snapped out of it enough to get home. Shortly after I took the rest of my medicine and passed out for good!

Chugga chugga

Choo-choo!

So crazy busy these past few days! Last night I was so tired, I didn't even get around to do my laundry. Some weeks going back into work, I feel like I got no sleep! Being busy at the hospital on the bright side, does make time go by faster.

I thought I'd be able to get up early this morning to get my scripts fill. BIG FAT NO. I probably hit the snooze like three times before I actually got up. Thank god or I would have totally been hustling to get to work on time. My insurance is so weird, actually they aren't. They just want to keep all of the money in their company. This means that most scripts my insurance covers, will be free IF I get them filled at OUR pharmacy. What a pain in the ass. I have to drive across town to get them. Taking the scripts to any other pharmacy like CVS, Walgreens or even Target--I automatically have to pay $10 for filling them out of "network". Whoever thinks that health care workers have great insurance, you are sadly mistaken. Could be worse though, at least I'm able to have insurance!

Since my appointment yesterday, I definitely have noticed UTI symptoms. My urine is darker in color, I wouldn't say there was visible blood in it--but I think there's micro amounts. Hoping that the cranberry juice and supplements helped me out a bit today. I for sure am going to the pharmacy tomorrow to get my meds. She giving me Bactrim for an antibiotic. I've never taken it before, but I'm sure I'll be fine. I don't have any allergies to medications---not that I know of at least. The other script she gave me was Niaspan. It's a drug used to lower cholesterol and in my case triglycerides. Triglycerides for my age range should only be 40-150, mine were 234 this past blood test! The one prior when she found my problem initially read at like 310! So it's gone done roughly 75 units. I'm super afraid of becoming diabetic, so we're hoping to nip this in the bud right away!

Still, I know that the medications are definitely helping me out. My cholesterol level is now at 98 which is considered "very good". YAY FOR THAOWIE! Hoping that the next few days I can get adjusted to my meds! Short post tonight, gotta keep the train on track and finish my laundry!

Pill popper

Aviva today!

I headed into my appointment this morning, thinking nothing was out of the ordinary. I've come to the conclusion that Jen my LPN had left, although I haven't had a chance to ask anyone where she's been. Ciarra has been taking over my case, and although I do like her---I really liked Jen. I hopped on the scale, and was happy to see that I lost my weight I gained back. A wee bit sad I didn't lose an extra pound more, but I'll take it! I'm back down to 191 again. Obviously that's not a number I want to see, but it's better than 200 baby! It's been helping a lot when people tell me I look like I'm smaller. I consider myself one of the lucky few that has a proportional body. The weight seems to be gradually going down everywhere and not just in one spot. For this, I am super thankful!

It took about 45mins for anyone to come in the exam room. I could hear the lady in the next room getting her botox injections...lmfao. She wasn't yelping or anything, just talking super loud about how she wanted her face to look and stuff. Botox scares the shit out of me! When I got to the office today, I noticed someone new. She wasn't dressed like a nurse or anything, she looked like a doctor. Ruth is a fourth year resident, who is shadowing Dr. Cusimano. She's really nice and everything but JESUS MARY AND JOSEPH she's like overly thorough. Residents are a little over zealous in how well they assess you medically at clinics I've notice. Total opposite when they're in the hospital lol. Anyway she was going over about everything under the sun and poking and prodding at me. She left the room to get something and I quick looked at my phone! WAS SOOOOO GOING TO BE LATE FOR WORK! I called and told them I was stuck at the doctors and I didn't think I'd be more than 10mins late. UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE YEAR.

In the whole total, I spent TWO HOURS there. Are you effing kidding me?! Dr. Cusimano came in and reviewed all of my lab work. I'm going to start getting my blood draws in office because of my bad luck. I have three large hematomas on my arm and they hurt like a mofo. My urinalysis came back with mico amounts of blood in it and leukocytes. You guessed it, UTI. UGH. The good news is, my cholesterol results are super! The Tricor has been helping a lot! On the other hand, my triglycerides are still high. They did drop by 75 points, but not as well as they should have. Dr. C. thinks that it's genetic, which I'm not arguing. I have two people in my family that have diabetes, thus contributing to my sensitivity to sugars. She gave me a prescription to help me with it. I can't remember what it's called, the scrips are sitting in my car.

I'm starting to feel like an old person popping cocktails of pills. I'm going to have to pop six different medications daily! YIKES! The drug that I'm supposed to take in addition to Metformin, I take at night. Apparently it causes hot flashes. GREAT. I have no idea what hot flashes are like, but I'm about to get a taste of menopause. Tomorrow I'm headed over to the pharmacy before work to get these filled. The meds on top of all the vitamins I take, are definitely going to be an adjustment. She did also mention my protein levels (can't exactly remember what she said) were elevated. I'm going to the office next week to get labs drawn, this time non fasting. Fasting blood work can sometimes throw other levels off apparently. I hope Cody doesn't stab me like everyone else does. I'd really hate to hulk out on someone that's so nice to me! LOL

My Nutty Valentine

Happy Valentine's Day!

I've had a super interesting day to say the least! Last night I stayed up and caught up on my Shamelss! I'm super addicted to this show, it's hysterical. Valentine's Day really hasn't meant much to me to tell you the truth. Even when I was with someone, I didn't make a big deal. Sure you get treats and give each other a little extra lovin', but honestly it's another ordinary day for me. I was scrolling around on my Facebook page last night, and one of my friends posted something that piqued my interest:

"Happy Valentines Day to all of the single people, who are proud to be so. Just bc we are single, doesn't mean we're available. ♥"

I've never really felt too awful about being alone. I'm not one of those people who need to have someone around to make me feel whole. With everything that has been going on, it's been more and more important to me--basically just to be good to myself. I've had quite a bit go on in my life, and I'm feeling like I'm coming to a point where "acceptance" or whatever you want to call it, has played a huge part in my growth. It's not that I accept everything that's happen to me, or even that I've made up my own justification. It's the fact that I feel like I'm truly ready to face those scary demons under my bed that have been following me around. For better or for worse, I've had to confront them.

It's truly difficult to describe love. I'm a pretty damn articulate person, and I have trouble explaining it. It's something that I could never imagine what the world would be like, without it's existence. That I've never known a life without love, and for that I am truly blessed. Like everyone I'm sure, I've had difficult relationships with significant others, family, friendships. I think that element of doubt plays in the back of everyone's mind. Do I deserve love? Love from mom, dad, this person, that person? Do I truly deserve it? Crazy right? That we all question ourselves on something that is ingrained in us from birth. I've been accused of "wearing my heart on my sleeve", but I don't think it's such a bad thing. Taking risks are always scary, but I'd risk everything for love--everything that I had. It's true what they say, you must truly love yourself before you can love someone else. We all obviously nod our heads like we really know what that means, but you honestly and truly don't find that out until later. 

I'm a very open person. Although I am skeptical about some things, I don't totally rule any possibility out. I've been extremely intuitive since I was a child. Everyone has intuition, you know that gut feeling you get--but it's so much more than that. This is not really a part of my life that I like to share with people. Everyone is entitled to their beliefs, and I don't like to offend anyone. I've only shared this with literally a hand full of people, because I'm pretty sure people are going to think I'm a whack job. I'm not denying I'm crazy, because everyone has a degree of crazy in them. Without further beating around the bush, I've been working for a few years on developing intuition/gifts/psychic abilities that I've had. THERE IT'S OUT, I SAID IT. I'm a closet reader. I'm not saying I can tell you when you're going to die or when you'll meet the love of your life--I'm just saying that with enough focus and discipline I've been able to help others out using my intuition and sight. Don't get too excited! It is incredibly difficult for me to read people who are close to me, friends, family etc--and I absolutely can't read for myself (if that were the case, I wouldn't be so messed up now would I?!) I'm assuming this is because my view of things in their lives are already skewed by my personal opinions--I wouldn't be able to get a clear view. ANYWAY, now that you all think I'M A WHACK JOB--IT'S ABOUT TO GET NUTTIER.

A friend of mine had recently gone to a session that she thought I'd benefit from. I went today to get my first past life regression reading. I've had plenty of psychic readings and aura readings and all that stuff, but never a regression. It's pretty awesome actually. You're not completely under hypnosis, but almost in a day dream like state. I came to a point in my life where I needed help to make sense of things. Why I have so much anger towards my mom, why certain things upset me and effect me--so this was my goal. At this point, I didn't see the harm in going to see what it was all about. I didn't think I'd be able to meditate enough to put me under, but I totally was able to do it. Basically, like any other form of hypnosis you're being guided. I was afraid because I didn't want to see anything scary, and I didn't! Most everything that you "see" are revisited memories in your past. Details that you may have lacked to notice. I could go on and write an enormous post about it, but in a nutshell I feel a world of difference.

I was able to understand things that I didn't before. Why I felt a certain way or how I reacted.   That some things impacted my life significantly more, than I ever imagined. This was my form of closure with myself. Things that I literally couldn't have made sense of, unless I went back to face it and call it out on it's shit. The session was extremely emotional, and let me tell you...crying with your eyes shut is the weirdest thing ever! I never dreamed that something as spaced out and nutty as this, could actually help me. I left the session feeling super tired and drained. It's a lot to go through, reliving your past and feeling all those emotions again. I'm glad i did it just the same. 

I've always had hope and optimism in matters of my personal life, even when I thought it was so far from my reach. Understanding more about myself, is a huge feat for me. It's going to be a process, but for the first time in my life I can actually say that I do love myself. Forgiveness is a weird thing, and as much as I desperately thought I needed to forgive other people, I really needed to forgive myself.

Just a friendly reminder:

I'm not a nut job! I'm still me! No need to poke fun, 

act weird or be afraid to ask me things.

But I bet y'all will think twice now when I say I have super ninja powers!

;)

Not here for dart practice!

Got blood drawn, can you guess how it went?!

I had some odds and ends to finish up with today. I got up bright and early, ran on the treadmill for a bit then got around to get ready. It probably wasn't the best idea to run this morning, because I've been fasting for blood work today. After I got off, I drank lots of water (had to give a urine sample as well) and took a shower. Everything was fine, until I hit the road. About half way to my financial advisor's office I started to get super hungry. My appointment was at noon, so you can see why I had the grumbles the entire way.

Rene is super nice. When I first started working, I was curious as to how I set up a retirement fund. Crazy right? I was barely 21 years old, when I started contributing to one. My company has a 403B program, which I decided to enroll in. A lady at work suggested a financial advisory that might be able to help me out, so I gave it a shot. Mr. Mallory was the nicest man you'd ever meet. He met with me on a consult basis for over an hour explaining to me how these funds work, and how they could benefit my life in NORMAL WORDS lol. It wasn't until my second appointment when I decided to stay with him. I of course had met with a few other advisors, but none that took the time and consideration he did. Rene worked with Mr. Mallory and she is actually the mother of one of my friends from high school. She was so nice and kind to me--actually still is and I built trust with them immediately. About six months later, Mr. Mallory caught sudden illness. He discovered he had pancreatic cancer, and passed away shortly. I was heart broken. Rene ended up opening her own financial office, and I chose to follow her. I didn't know any of the people taking over Mr. Mallory's firm, so I went with the person I trusted the most. Anyway, I'm super pleased with the amount I got back in my return. Still debating on what to do with it actually. Should I save it, or spend it on paying off bills? Think I'll sit on it for a while, it'll take some time to get it in my account anyway!

I headed over to the hospital after my tax appointment. It seemed pretty busy in registration, and super busy in the lab. After waiting almost an hour, they finally called me back. Here we go. My arm is throbbing as we speak. The young girl who drew my blood decided to angle the needle about 50 degrees and stab my arm at the AC (crook of your elbow) and it hurt like hell. IMMEDIATELY I KNEW SHE BLEW RIGHT THROUGH MY VEIN. It isn't really hard to tell, when someone STABS you and there's NO BLOOD coming out into the vial. I asked her to take it out, and she looked like she was going to. BIG MISTAKE! She MOVED the needle while still in my arm, trying to get the vein. When someone blows your vein, it means they pierce right through it, they've gone out the other side of it and now you'll have a nasty hematoma--which is blood pooling into your tissues. GREAT. I asked her to go in my left arm, and she said there was one more spot she could try. This freaking girl is going to kill me I thought! Needless to say, she didn't kill me but I was sitting in the chair with my arm tied up plotting her demise. She stuck me AGAIN AND MISSED. You're freaking cruising for a bruising missy! She stuck me yet a third time and finally got in. 

I'm sure it is SUPER embarrassing when you attempt to draw blood and miss. I get it. I have certification that allows me to start IV's on people, and although I'm not bad at it--I'm not spectacular. I prefer patients with garden hose veins, but if I'm not confident, I ask for help! I don't just walk about using people for dart practice! Three taped band aids on later, I walked out of the hospital looking like the human pin cushion. Just for the record, I refuse to go back to the hospital to get my labs drawn. I've decided that I need to find a new place. I'll try going to the other hospital or see if I can get it done in office. I'm not dealing with it anymore. I have two huge hematomas on my arm now, and they hurt like a SOB! I can feel huge lumps under my skin, which are nothing but coagulated blood. Last time this happened (refer to my other blog entry months ago) it took about three weeks for my bruises to completely go away. 

I look like I'm a heroin addict or something! It's GROSS. Further more, I have NO IDEA why it took them so long to take me back. I NEVER make my patients wait more than 15mins tops to have their exam done. It kind of puts perspective on the dynamics of other departments. Not good ones to say the least! This round of blood work, is going to be included for my HRA insurance crap. Either way I promise you, I'm getting out of having that health coach. Because, I already have one! I weighed myself today and I'm back on track! YAY! Hoping on Wednesday I'll be at the same weight last log, and maybe even another pound lighter! 

Normalcy

It's weird to not be in so much pain today...

My abdominal pain is slowly subsiding. Actually I haven't been in much pain at all! Isn't it so strange when your pain magically disappears?! Not that I'm complaining or anything, but it's like poof---finito, gone! Thank you lord, because it was so bad I thought I should be writing out my will! Okay, maybe not that dramatic but still ;-) I've been puttering around the house most of the day, until my lovely mother decided to send me to run errands for her. Like I've said in several entries, my mom drives me crazy. I don't think she wants to do anything...but shop and talk on the phone to my aunties and her friends. LOL how did this happen?! When our roles became reversed?! Signs I am getting old! 

Tomorrow I'm finally getting my taxes done, yay! Originally I wanted to save my tax return to buy airline tickets for Han's wedding, but now I'm thinking I might just use it to pay off my Visa entirely or not. I'll have to see how much I get back and then go from there. Last year I didn't get much from the state, I won $1,000 playing BINGO at a casino in Syracuse. I almost literally had a heart attack. But because of my big winnings, the state penalized me thus not as much back in my state return. Not a big deal though. I despise having debt. It's not a lot of debt really just my credit card and car payment. I'm striving to double up on payments to knock out my car. My plans are aiming to get a clean start again. With this whole program, getting healthy and fit, paying off everything would line me up pretty well to start my life somewhere new and different. Where? I'm not completely sure yet, but it's always been in the back of my mind.

I'm heading to Rene's for my tax appointment tomorrow, then going over to the hospital to get my lab work done. I'm hoping that it comes back better than the last time. It's been improving quite well, and with this set of lab work I'm going to find out if the Tricor is working on my cholesterol or not. I also need to submit my lab values for my health insurance, and I'm sure as hell going to try and fight getting another health coach. We'll see how that all goes.

Courtesy of Rhonda! I'm laughing so hard! I love my Downton Abbey Valentines haha!

With Valentine's Day coming up and everything, I'm not really feeling like depressed or anything. I think I'll be my own Valentine this year, after all---I'm being extremely good to myself anyway! Oh and I just totally looked at the Target weekly add, guess what they're promoting this week! YES GLORIOUS DAY! NINTENDO 3DS $169.99! I'm not too sure I'll splurge and get it just yet, I have a hefty car insurance payment this month BUT it makes me happy to see it in the add all the same!

Wooftastic

I'm a slothy mess.

I tried to get enough sleep last night, but it's literally impossible when you live with your mother who's pure reason for existence is to piss you off. My mom is ridiculous. She's been calling out of work left and right, which is super irritating because I'm on my week off. It's not that I don't love my mom, she just drives me up a freaking wall. Wednesday she called in sick, I was surprised when I got up and she was in her room watching TV. She got up and made some lunch  so it would be ready when my dad got home. After lunch, I hopped into the shower--which she barged into about 10mins later. She asked me to DRIVE her to Macy's and a few other stores so she could shop. UMMM EXCUSE ME, BUT I THOUGHT YOU CALLED IN SICK?! My mother for some god forsaken reason likes to be driven around like she's Miss Daisy. I told her if she was well enough to shop she could go drive herself. I was on my way to run some errands and I'd be driving in the entirely opposite direction. My weeks off are not dedicated to driving my selfish mother around town so she can spend money and fake that she's sick. Completely ridiculous.

So last night or wee hours of the morning I should say, my mom decided to get her ass up at like 2:30/3:00am and hammer away on something down the hallway. She was beating the crap out of the dehumidifier--why I have no idea. She did it for about 45mins until I finally started screaming at her! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN THERE!? I've come to the conclusion my mother is yes indeed an asshole. When I get home from late nights out and such, I ALWAYS make sure I'm super quiet. I don't want to wake her or my dad up because unlike my mom I have respect for the other people I live with. When my dad works night shift and sleeps during the day, my mom always makes extra sure to be quiet because she knows he will go buck wild on her ass and scream until the house shakes. Me on the other hand, she doesn't rightfully give a shit about. So I've decided to treat her EXACTLY how she treats me. 

Anyway so after the whole banging of the dehumidifier she decides to tell me she's going outlet mall shopping with her friends in the morning. Fantastic, great! Go have fun just let me go back to sleep! She did eventually, after calling me a grumpy mean mess and I'm just like my dad. Welp, sorry mom but the apple didn't fall too far from dad's tree! 

I slept in for a while today, felt like I was a high schooler again actually lol. When I got up Nikki had posted on fb wall to call her. I hopped into the shower and gave her a quick ring. Her and Marissa have been busy in Albany getting Marissa's new apartment together. Nikki wanted to go to a bar tonight, our friend JoJo and his band are playing there. I told her I wasn't sure what I was doing, that I haven't felt good all week I've been off. My stomach pain is still lingering around, and now I'm wondering if I don't have a bug or something. Either way, she told me to stay home and get some rest and we'd talk later. I still haven't made up my mind if I should go or not. In all reality, I probably shouldn't. I'm a miserable sloth today and I don't want anyone to see my ugly mug today haha. It's really the abdominal pain that I'm struggling with. It onsets very quickly and goes away just as fast as it comes on. I'm positive that it isn't my gallbladder, because the pain isn't there. I'm hoping if anything,  maybe it's an ovarian cyst. That at least I can handle I think. The wonderful joys of being a girl. 

I needed to get away out of the house for a bit, I ended up running some errands. I can't get my scripts until Monday, because the pharmacy by my house has to order the drugs. What a joke, I should have just taken my scripts somewhere else. Whatever. I did some grocery shopping with my dad and decided to go spend some time with my Aunt. This way I won't be home with the Queen gets there, it's kind of sad I've resulted into being sick at someone else's house lol, but hey that's what family is for right?

Hermit.

What else is there to do, when you're sick to your stomach?

Trap yourself in the house and watch movies, what else?! I've been thoroughly obsessed with watching Downton Abbey. For those of you who don't know what it is, it's a period piece show about England during WW1. It is fabulous! I'm a super nerd and I LOVE ANYTHING MASTERPIECE THEATER! It's amazing! I got hooked on the show last year, when their first season aired on PBS. I don't have regular cable, just super basic so I watch a lot of PBS. I discovered Masterpiece Theater stumbling upon it one random night. They had Jane Eyre playing and I was astonished at how closely the movie compared to the book. They had to air the movie in two separate weekends, but it was well worth the wait!

Airs on Sundays 8/9c PBS

I enjoy reading very much. I like anything that is thought provoking whether it be more of reality or a story that compares to my life and gives me more understanding or meaning to it. Inspiring books are really great. I'm not you're typical mush girl. I HATE NICHOLAS SPARKS with a passion. Any man who writes sappy ass books like that and claims to be married with children---clearly is lying through his damn teeth. I think he's yes indeed GAY. There I said it! His novels are retarded and I hate them. BOOM! You know how they say don't judge a book by it's cover? I judge readers by their books! HAHA! Okay so fine, I am clearly not the coolest person in the world so why does my opinion matter? 

"You should learn to forget what I say. I know I do."

Anyway, I'm not saying my taste in books are perfect--I just don't like reading mindless stories. For example, the older ladies I work with read smutty books. You know--the ones with Fabio all over the covers? YEAH THOSE. I ask them why they read them, and most of them say because they don't have to think. Um excuse me, but if I'm not mistaken isn't that the whole point of reading? For things to provoke thought and stimulate your brain cells? Secretly, I think they read these books because they're old and their sex lives have gone completely to shit. To their defense, my choice in books are probably not their cup of tea either. I was reading The Lovely Bones at work one day, and some old bitty came up to me and said I was a really sick person for reading it. Well fuck you very much too you old bitch! I had never met this lady before, I knew her familiar face because she worked in the department but she didn't know me from Adam. So being who I am, I started a fight. She came into the break room with her little fucking smutty ass pirate gypsy lover book and I went off like a rocket. So yeah I do judge readers by their books, and I've come to the conclusion old bitties that read smutty ass novels like that are just bitches because they've lose their swag and youth. TAKE THAT YOU CROTCHETY OLD HAG!

Some people probably think period pieces like Jane Austen novels or classic books are just as boring and no different from Nicholas Sparks. I guess whatever floats your boat right? I just really like reading and watching these series because they aren't mindless. And god knows I love me some Teen Mom drama, but it's nice to go back to your roots and realize you actually do have a brain. Sorry if I've offended anyone by poking fun at Nicholas Sparks but the dude is GAY all right?! No man like him exists, in all reality his WIFE probably writes all of his novels and slaps his name on it. And she probably writes all that smutty shit because it's how she wants him to treat her hahahahahhahahaha

OWWWWW!

IN. PAIN.

I've spent the last two days off in significant abdominal pain. It's not bad enough for me to go to the walk in or ER, but if it doesn't stop I might have to. I've thought for some time now that I have gastritis. An inflammatory disease where the lining of your stomach is irritated and painful. The left upper portion of my abdomen usually hurts, but lately it's been the lower portion of my abdomen. Hurts amazing bad. It's like a sharp radiating pain stemming from the umbilical area down into the pelvic region. Ouchies ouches ouchies!

I'm not vomiting or anything, just having pain. I thought maybe I just needed to go to the bathroom, but that doesn't seem to alleviate anything. Just wish it would go away. Hoping that by the end of the night I'll feel more like myself and in better shape...

I really hate it when I'm sick on my week off. It's ridiculous. It's almost like my body waits until it knows I'm off, and then decides that it should just fall apart. It's such a pain in the ass. Speaking of which, it really irritates me when people call in "sick". Seriously...I mean okay everyone is entitles to sick days, why else would they give them to us? I'm just the type of person that "mans" up no matter what and drags my ass to work.

When I was in grade school, I didn't miss a single day. My mom cracked the whip on us kids, and sent us to school anyway. Lucky for her, my sister and I didn't get the chicken pox when school was in session---see! Right there, prime example of my body waiting for me to get off and then decides to go to shit! I received a reward on my last day of high school for perfect attendance from kindergarten to my senior year of high school. I didn't actually receive it per say, because I totally skipped my last day of school! BAHHH HAHAHAHAHHAHA! Any way, my point is---if you're really and truly sick fine then stay home. But if you just have a cough, headache or what big whoop need to take a shit, grow a pair and stay at work! Nothing drives me crazier than people taking advantage of the situation. 

I've worked at the company for five years, and I have yet to call in sick. I've only been late once and that was due to snow. It amazes me the amount of people that call in for bullshit reasons all the time. What angers me even more, is when they do it and it affects MY SCHEDULE. Meaning having to stay late or hustle even harder than I already do! Okay, wow well I'm gonna get off my soap box now because I can feel my blood pressure go up!

POWER BALL!

I'M GOING TO WIN IT!

I'm not much of a gambler per say, but with a jackpot like $310 MILLION who wouldn't?! I never used to play the lottery, but I thought to myself recently "hey why not!". I've been watching the numbers and payouts pretty closely, and it honestly could be anyone's game. I've found myself day dreaming about what I would do with the money, if indeed I had won. With taxes taken out, it would leave me with around $197 million to play with!

First I would of course donate to charity. I would donate at least 1 million to the college I went to, and have the money spent on a scholarship basis. It would benefit students similar to me; ones that weren't 4.0 students but excelled in clinical basis, students that might be going through a rough time working two to three jobs just to get by. It would be set out in $500-1,000 scholarships, and they would of course have to apply. I think it would be great to give back to the future Radiology students in the area.

Each of my family members, cousins, aunties and uncles would each receive $1 million right away. I'm not going to lie, of course my parents and sister would get a larger portion of the money. I have A LOT of family, so you're talking like almost $25-30 million gone right away just in cousins and stuff! My dream is for my family to never want, especially my parents and sister. I suspect my mom would quit her job (I don't think she likes working...) so she could do whatever with her money. My parents could finally buy or build a house of their dreams and live very comfortably for the rest of their days. I'd never have to worry about being far away from them, because they could have enough money to visit me where ever I am. My sister could buy a really nice apartment in NYC and do whatever she wants with her money. I think I'd invest part of my money also. My financial advisory is really awesome, so I don't think she'll steer me wrong.

My friends obviously couldn't go without. I'd pick out two weeks, randomly two weeks planned ahead of time and take them all on a destination vacation! I'd book a whole resort somewhere fabulous and take them on a trip of a lifetime. I'd give them enough time to all get passports and give their employers notice for vacation time of course. It would be an all inclusive trip so they literally would just have to pack their bags and go. It would be really awesome if they could all fly together, but knowing them it'll be super complicated to coordinate lol. So they'll just have to settle for getting tickets wherever to get them there. Sorry guys haha! 

As far as I'm concerned, I think I would invest money in some estates and go back to school. I can't imagine myself just sitting around on top of all this money, essentially becoming an expensive toy hoarder. Everyone I know either works or goes to school so that counts hanging out with my friends all the time. Actually, now that I think of it that makes me happy. All my friends for the most part are either working and going to school! Good for them, I'm glad they aren't losers lol. I of course would travel and see the world with my money. Maybe take my sister and cousins along with me. That would be great fun! 

But alas, this is only a day dream!