Directionally challenged

Without my car.

I am venturing into the city this weekend to spend time with family. Next month, I'm spending a whole week there. New York is such a great place to go and visit. I used to despise going there, and to some extent I still do. It's the people there I'm going to see that make it worth it. Hien just started a new job, so I can't rely on her to help me navigate around the city. I am so spoiled with my car, finding my way around NYC is a complete pain in the ass.

Thank God for my smart phone. Honestly, how do people survive without smart phones?! Is it totally sick and corrupt that we all so so electronically dependent? Maybe not. I mean Harry Potter depends on his wand for everything right? A wand would be way more useful to me personally, but the closest I can get to magic is my smart phone with it's zillions of apps. I am going to be brave and try to grasp the concept of NYC transit without having to cab it everywhere.

How dumb are the streets of New York? There I freaking said it! When you get off the subway, how do you know which way is ascending in street number or descending? YOU DON'T UNLESS YOU WALK THE WRONG WAY. How annoying?! I am NOT LAZY WALKING by any means, I just think the whole thing is retarded. Can't they make little signs that point right for 8th and left for 7th?! I'm just saying. I had to download a compass app on my phone also, because Google likes to give me directions via compass direction. Whatever.

Hien told me to download embark NYC, but I personally like Hot Stop. It gives you directions just like your car gps does. I can also save it on my phone, because the subway system doesn't have service. I'd rather not get lost. I realize that there are only two directions you can go; uptown and downtown. So I'm not super worried about that, it's just what trains to get on. Although everyone is really nice in terms of giving directions, I just get confused really easily. My mission this weekend is to work on mastering the art of navigation in the city. If I can get this down, my fear of getting lost there won't be so big. And I won't have to take a cab everywhere, they kind of a pain anyways.

Marissa is starting her job tomorrow, and I'm really excited for her! Since Hien won't be able to meet me after work (she has other plans), I'm going to try to get together with Marissa! My sister and Marissa are both in Queens, so I'm not too worried about the commute. It'll be nice to explore the city a little bit with Marissa. Even though we don't want to spend too much money there, I'm sure there are tons of things to do! I'll let you all know how I make out, wish me luck!

You've GOT TO BE JOKING.

THE SCALE IS YOUR ENEMY.

I had to cancel my appointment this week, total schedule conflict. I got on the scale today, just to discover I have gained back three pounds. I AM SICK OF THIS SHIT. Of course, I have my period and that has swayed it. HOWEVER you all know that I DESPISE using my period as the scale culprit. It's SO not okay to me.

I've been doing everything I am supposed to be, so why does this continue to happen? I need to seriously buckle down and figure this out. I haven't been taking my vitamins like I should be, and I have to get blood work done in a few weeks. This is not good. It's out of pure laziness that I don't take my vitamins. Maybe if I did, this wouldn't happen? Not true. I have done mini experiments with my blood work, and I assure you all vitamins make a big difference. I am anemic, and need to continue taking my iron pills. Vitamin D is also a big shower in my lab work. If I don't take it, my levels plummet. 

Getting myself together and in gear this week is going to be a bit of challenge. It's so easy to be lazy and neglect the things that make a difference. I don't ever want to get back to where my weight was before, and the only way to ensure that is to stick with my regiment. Vitamins and meds in the morning, balanced meals and exercise.

Tornado warning

A tornado hit last week...

In my room that is! Actually, it looked like a tornado had spun through it a few weeks ago. I have yet to clean up after the wreckage it inflicted on my closet. Shoes, clothes, cardigans, socks galore. It's an explosion of Express, Target, Converse, flip flops and heels. It's disgusting. I fully intended on cleaning it, but alas I haven't.

I have this thing where I go through all of my clothes at change of season. It has been particularly bad this year, because I have shrunk and now my clothes look like parachutes on me! My plan of attack is pretty great. I start with my shoes. Going through shoes is pretty painless to me. I usually put them on and strut around my room, feel them out and decide which ones get to be donated to the Salvy. It doesn't take me that long. Did y'all know I have an obsession with sneakers? I mean, I practically have to live in them because of work. Even though I've worn them for a bit, I still donate them. Who knows if they actually make it to sale again, but whatever. 

My next area of attack is of course the closet. UGH. Going through the task of digging through Winter clothing, is such a pain in the arse. It is during this moment in time each year, when I realize that my clothes suck. I am a solid girl. I really like wearing solid colors. When you're of a different body habitus (a larger one to be exact), prints aren't really your friends. Even now I would RARELY wear a print. If I do, it's usually floral. I'm just not a print girl, but I'm trying to expand my avenues all right! I'll sift through sweaters, long sleeved shirts, jeans and of course jackets and such. I like to donate my clothes, it doesn't make me feel so guilty. I probably could do the whole cosign store thing, but I honestly don't care. I'd rather donate things that are in excellent shape, to people who need them. I take REALLY good care of everything I own. I recycle "old" phones to family and friends that literally look brand new. Box and everything.

What's going to be really interesting about the clothing store tornado, is my summer clothing selection. I bought lots of summer clothes last year for vacation, that don't fit me anymore! It's extremely fun and exciting for me to go through them, just to physically prove to  myself how much I've shrunk! My scrubs on the other hand, are among some of the few things that I will have a tough time getting rid of. I need to go to the scrub store and see what pants I actually fit into now. My MC Hammer scrubbies are not doing anything good for me these days. If I put my phone in my pocket, I risk losing my pants all together! EEK! I'm secretly thrilled to buy new clothes and scrubs, but am really nervous about it.

I just can't get over the whole spend more money, just to fit into things for a little while. I really need to get over this. Knowing me, I'll wear the shit out of my clothes until I absolutely have no other choice but to get rid of them. My plan is to attack my room tonight! I'm off to the city this weekend to visit my Auntie and Uncle. I haven't seen them in over ten  years, and I miss them so much! They're my favorite Auntie and Uncle I have, I'm really close with them. Sivan (my cousin) is turning four this weekend also, so I'm glad I will be there to celebrate with them!

The love of chocolate milk.

I love chocolate milk.

HOWEVER, I pay for it dearly. I am of course, lactose intolerant. Ice cream does bother me to some extent, so I usually stick with sherbet. Even when I do get the urge to eat ice cream, rarely am I able to finish it. Not because I don't like the taste, because I know I'll probably end up getting the good 'ole heaves later. Gross.

A few weeks ago Marissa and I were getting home from a late night at Jacki's and stopped at the gas station. It wasn't that I just wanted chocolate milk, I needed it! Isn't it crazy how sometimes you get those intense cravings, so bad that if you don't get it you'll surely explode? I'm just glad I wasn't craving something completely horrible. There's only one brand of chocolate milk I like, and it's local. Any other brand, I refuse to drink.

Byrne and Dairy puts drugs in their low fat chocolate milk. I am of course, not a fan of milk. We've had this discussion before on here. If you recall, humans are the only animal that drinks another animal's milk. Now if that doesn't GROSS you out, I don't know what would. Actually I do, the story about the human zombie person that ate that guy's face! YEAH GROSS. Anyway, this is the only chocolate milk I like, and I usually only drink half of it. 

It's starting to become easier for me to control my "cravings" for really bad things. I'm not going to justify my chocolate milk saying "oh well it's a good source of calcium!" Yeah calcium with a shit ton of sugar put into it! Either way, I'm really proud of myself for being able to stop eating when I'm full, and keep myself in check with moderation of food!

Memorial Day

Happy Memorial Day!

Today is more than just the mark for the first week of summer, and BBQ season. It is an extremely important day to recognize and pay respect to all that have served. What a scary and incredibly brave thing to do. Serve a country, dedicating your life to keep it safe and protected. 

My grandpa and great uncle both served time. Grandpa and Uncle Jimmy used to tell me all kinds of stories. It wasn't until about five years ago, when I began to remember and realize how profound their lives were. Both served in WWII, spent time in Korea, Japan I think also. Grandpa was in the Navy. The one picture I will always treasure of him, is his Navy picture. It was just a head shot with him in his uniform, but it was super old. He was smiling in it, and was one of the most handsome men I've ever seen in my life. The picture has disappeared unfortunately. After him and grandma passed away the family "objects" have all seemed to run off to a new home. I have no clue who has them, but rest assure the Navy picture of him and another picture of the same time period are THE MOST WANTED BY EVERYONE IN THE FAMILY. 

Uncle Jimmy was hands down one of my favorite people in the whole world. Him and Aunt Edith moved in the house next door to us, and I loved going over to visit with them. He would pull out his old trunk and show us pictures of him during his time in the service. Aunt Edith saved all the newspaper clippings of him, and kept them in this big trunk. He was a POW in Germany, and was featured in many articles in this area. His legs gave him trouble a lot, and it all stemmed from his time facing the cold in Germany. I loved him a lot.

On a side note, I recently have had dreams of grandma and uncle Jimmy. Really strange ones. I'm always wondering if my grandpa will show up in one, and he hasn't yet. It's extremely painful to lose people that has such an effect on your life. If it wasn't for brave people like them, I would not exist. There are few good things that come out of war, but sometimes war makes lives better for people. Looking back and knowing what I know now, I can't have imagined what would have happened if my parents didn't make it out of Vietnam. It's scary.

I thank my lucky stars for the people that have served, and are currently active in the armed services. They ensure we have normalcy in our lives, and that we are protected. No matter your views on the government, these people are the ones that sacrifice the most. Their lives, their families, their comfort, security--all for the love of our country. 

The upside to sleep deprivation

They call me crazy, but I have a good time!

I refuse to let my work schedule soak up my entire life. I refuse to live a life, where I only have fun every other week. After all, you can't put a time limit on fun! I mean, I guess you can but that just makes you a stick in the mud!

Ahh, the joy of being young. Where you can stay out all night and run on only a few hours of sleep the next day. In all truth, this is the exact reason why I haven't been able to post in the past few days. It is Memorial Day weekend, and all my favorite people are home. It started off as meeting up with the girls for some girly time. It was really fun, and although I didn't stay out too late I did drag ass a bit at work. Friday night I was totally prepared. I brought a change of clothes with me to work. I've discovered a great way to keep me from going out. If I don't bring a change of clothes, I'm forced to go out in public at a bar (mostly dive ones) in my scrubbies. I'm not embarrassed as much as I am uncomfortable. While everyone is dressed nice, I look like a bum off the side of the road--found next to the hospital dumpster. Anyway we went out to see Jo Jo's band play and after headed to Myles's dad's house for a fire and some time on the canoe.

This is where it all happened. It has been a long time since Myles and I have gotten to hang out. I recently just met his wife Kendall, who is an absolute sweetheart. They recently moved to a town about an hour away from us, and it is great to have time to spend. Everyone was so caught up in the night full off great story telling and spontaneous bravery. I won't get into it right now, it'll take too long. Needless to say, at one point I looked up in the sky and said "is that light coming from the moon, or does it mean morning?!". Yup, you all guessed it. I had stayed out until 5am, and had to be at work by 10am! FML. I was incredibly tired, but managed to work my way through it; all thanks to adrenaline! It's like you're so tired, you're wide awake kind of thing. The next night, I stopped over to meet the girls at a party for one of out neighbors. After laughing hysterically at all the stories and feeling good, we all had the brilliant idea to go out. Got home at 2:30am. And last but not least, last night I went over to Rick's and ended up getting home early! YAY another 2:30am visit! 


I was supposed to go to a house warming party after work tonight, but I am just too beat. I actually took tomorrow (Tuesday) off, thank God! I'm super surprised still, that I haven't woke up as Tyler Durden yet!

Confessions of a grown ass girl

Seriously.

Forgive me for not posting anything until now, I've been one busy chick! Thanks for reading by the way, to all my readers out there if you exist. Actually, I know you do! My hit meter has gotten to 2,000! Yippy skippy!

Recently, I've been faced with the ugly existence of drama. I despise drama. Correction: I don't like drama that effects me. There I said it! I find it extremely entertaining when other people tell me about their dramatic shinannigans. You KNOW you all do too! That's why crazies like TMZ exist. I have been bitching and preaching for months now about sacrifices in relationships. I'm pretty serious about it. 

Why should I have to sacrifice my comfort and feelings for the sake of making someone else feel good, safe, whatever?!

Easy answer. I DON'T. I can't help that I'm an easy going person that doesn't complain about going places, eating things or other silly crap. Even worse, I hate being in the middle of things. Honestly there is no point in a "friendship" when people get upset over small things. Granted fine, maybe it stems from somewhere else. I am willing to give people the benefit of the doubt, but not when you make an ass out of yourself. If you're willing to let silly drama get to you enough that you need to hold a petty grudge, obviously there wasn't much of a "friendship" there to begin with. You know those friends that you haven't seen in forever, but when you get together it feels like nothing has changed? Those are the ones that count. I don't get upset if someone can't do something with me, or I haven't seen people in a while. We all have lives, and sometimes yeah we put ourselves first! Just because someone gets upset about something, does not mean I have to feel responsible. 

I'm a grown ass girl. I don't need anyone to make me feel like a friendship is solid. I know in my own heart which ones are, and which ones aren't. Let's face it people, some friends you're just closer to. There's nothing wrong with that. I don't hate anyone, but I'm getting too damn old to be dealing with nonsense. Especially when you want to air your dirty laundry and put your shit out on front street. Makes me sad when things like this happen, even worse disappointed.

Power of one

No, this is NOT a religious post.

Nothing against religion, just keep it to yourself. No, no, no. I'm talking about YOU! YOURSELF! Everyone knows that taking care of yourself is important, but do you realize how important it is? It's not just taking care of your appearance, or health. It's about taking care of your soul, your emotions, your feelings. The phrase "you wear your heart on your sleeve" is more than just about your love life.

You've all heard or read this from me MULTIPLE times. I don't understand why people don't want to smell good. I'mma say it again too! All of us no matter what shape or size, have a certain level of pride within themselves. If I see an obese person on the street with a dirty stained shirt and pants that show their ass crack, I ultimately come to one conclusion. Serious lack of pride, or value to themselves. I mean honestly, it makes sense. The people that just "let themselves go" (and that means mentally also!), scream to me that they don't give a shit about themselves. If you cared about yourself, would you go out looking like a slob? Probably not. I enjoy feeling good about myself. Inside and out. No, I don't dress to impress. I dress how I see fit, meaning clean and presentable. I'm getting myself into a crazy debate, I just know it! 

Okay, so maybe some people like to be dirty and smell like rotting feet. That's GREAT for YOU. I just don't think you're being realistic. Just because I was over weight, did not mean I denied myself from soap and water. Most people actually compromise being larger, by excelling at other things in their appearance. My good friend has lots of awesome tattoos, another friend of mine is really great at doing her make up, another accessorizes like no other! Regardless of what others think of you, you should be more concerned with how and what you think of yourself. 

I am not one of those people who enjoy being at the mercy of other people. Independence is the greatest quality I have earned in my 26 years of life. If you don't care about your life, who the hell is going to? The lack of giving a shit about yourself I see in some people, scares me A LOT. That's fine if you want to skate by in life, just don't expect me to help you! I wish everyone could have the motivation and more importantly the courage to give a damn about their lives. I don't get it, like WHY DON'T YOU CARE?!

And last soapbox topic for this post, the meaning of relationships. Being happy in a relationship, does not mean your happiness should ride on someone else. Like what the hell!? Listen, I get it. We've all been there. Bottom line is, you should listen to your mom when she tells you "you yourself, are your own best friend". Take care of yourself and be happy single. If you're not happy single, I doubt you'll be happy when you're in a relationship. Counting on someone else to base your emotions on, is a risky thing to do. Some people are just desperate to be in relationships and happy. They depend on a man to make them feel love. That's what kills me the most. FOR THE RECORD, I AM NOT A MAN BASHER! You should be able to feel love all around you! Find love in yourself, in your family and friends, LOVE YOUR LIFE.  I am a firm believe that everyone has a purpose. Don't waste it. Not giving a shit or caring about yourself, is the biggest disappointment you can make to your loved ones dead or alive. I freaking mean it. All those life lessons and love was wasted on you, someone who refuses to care about their life or lack there of. 

It has taken me a little while to realize some of these lessons in my life. My youth was not spent on being spoiled on having things handed to me, having no work ethic and morals. Maybe it's just the simple fact that some people haven't gone through what I have, and vice versa. All I know is, I see a lot of WASTING on a whole lot of NOTHING going on. 

There is no manual on how to love yourself. It's kind of something you have to learn on your own. As much as you nod your head and agree with someone it's important, you don't find out how to do it until you get some harsh realities thrown at you. I'll tell you what though. Once you figure out what it really means to love and take care of yourself, you'll be a happier person. Your confidence will boost, and you'll be ready to take on anything that comes to you. As long as you get right with yourself, you can get right with the rest of the people out there in the real world. Take my advice, give yourself a little TLC before the opportunity passes you by.

All mixed up

Weigh in day!

Tuesday was my weigh in appointment. I have about a zillion things to do this week, and sadly I didn't get around to finishing everything. I had my car refinanced through my credit union at work, and have had nothing but problems. It's just an adjustment. This credit union is seriously sub par to what I'm used to, and never seems to work. Honestly, it's retarded. Their website is perpetually "temporarily unavailable", which makes my life about 10x more difficult. Even when I stooped to going to another ATM to try and make a transaction, it wouldn't let me! Anyway I had to write them a super NASTY e-mail about how pissed I was. It's a local credit union, which their offices are in town at the hospital. I travel A LOT, so I don't really have time to drive all the way to the hospital when I'm halfway across the country. UGH. Even though the day ended on a good note, I still feel kind of bad the credit union got the brunt of it. But hey! Their service is not great, so I had to tell them!

My appointment went really well! I lost another four pounds, so that zeros me back out! Between the past few weeks, I had gained four pounds. Back to where I should be! I am really proud of myself and super excited. Especially after I committed diet suicide and ate that grilled mac and cheese sandwich! Dr. Cusimano was really excited for me. She commended me on doing well, and thanked me for sending her new patients. I'm really glad that others have taken my advice to go check her out! Her and the staff, are really great. They are all super friendly and know what's going on. I love small private practices like this. I feel like they pay more attention and can focus more on their patients. Building relationships with patients makes a HUGE difference in the quality of care. She ordered another panel of blood work for me to get, and also scheduled another free facial peel! I'm actually getting my facial peel done next Tuesday, along with my nurse visit. Talk about a great day! 

Despite getting my bitch on via e-mail, I had a really great Tuesday. It was the perfect ending to my week off, the extra umph I've been needing for a few weeks now! 

Horrifying reality

Something you would see, on CNN.

I've always considered the small town I live in, to be quaint and harmless. Until recent years, the crime rate has gone up. It really makes perfect sense. Where there is economic struggles and poverty, there is crime. Just not this type of crime.

Monday was nothing short of profound horror that soared through the area. A local physician's assistant, one that I am familiar with committed the most brutal crime. It always instills an indescribable fear, when someone snaps this bad. It is all too much of a reality of how you don't really know anyone. In the past few years I've noticed a lot of the psych patients that come through. It just becomes all to real, that it could be you at any time. And by this I mean depression and needing psychological aide; not murdering someone.

When I heard about what this man did, my skin crawled. I was brought to tears. It is so horrific for me, that I can't even write on here what he committed. I don't understand. I just don't. How can such evil exist in the world? Such hate that swallows someone's soul completely? We all have to face the reality of good and evil I suppose. Evil wouldn't be evil, if it wasn't really bad. I went over to Jacki's Monday night to have some quality girl time. Even then, I couldn't get it off my mind. 


Later on, I found that sleep was impossible. Marissa and I even got chocolate milk on the way home. I really wanted it of course, but it was also a comfort thing. Sleep didn't take over until about 4:00am, and even then I woke up sweating. Some things are just too hard to forget. It's like waking up in mid thought. Has that ever happened to you? I'm still trying to wrap my head around the evil that exists in the world. The reasons why people seem to not value life. Breaks my heart, every time.  

Shortty shorts

Ahhh, warm weather again!

For the past like ten years of my life, I was one of those girls that refused to wear shorts. No matter how hot it was outside, I wouldn't wear shorts, dresses or tank tops without a hoodie or cardigan over it. I'm starting to realize how ridiculous this was.

Being so uncomfortable with my weight, has cost me so much. I'm starting to realize just how much. Everyone that is over weight tends to wear baggy clothes or things that will cover them up. They will sacrifice their comfort physically, for their comfort emotionally. HUGE HUGE DIFFERENCE HERE. I would go on vacations and out on hot days, sweating my ass off for the sake of covering up my pudge. It makes me really sad when I think back on it now. Isn't it strange how you felt like a whale just a few years ago, then you look back in pictures to only discover you were way smaller than you are today? This is something that has bothered me for years. It's a common frustration I'm sure everyone can relate to. It seems like I always learn these lessons too late. I used to get so angry when I didn't understand things in class, only to move onto the next until and have the "a-ha!" moment...then find out this chapter is WAY harder than the one before. UGH. So frustrating. 

I'm realizing my weight loss more and more these days. The first thing Nikki told me when I picked her up, was that I looked smaller. So exciting! I went to Target the other night and bought myself some new shorts. I had bought myself shorts and dresses last year for my vacation to Punta Cana. Even on a tropical vacation, I had some major body issues. Everyone at the resort had a rockin' body, except for me I felt like. Nothing hit home like the excursion we took to swim with the sharks. We had been out snorkeling for about 30 mins, when a man had pushed me over onto the coral reef on accident. I lifted up my leg in the water and blood was gushing out of my leg. I had been cut from knee to ankle, and needed to be glued shut for sure! They had a little boat come out to get me, just a small row boat with four others on it. There was nothing to push myself up onto the boat with, so there I was. Floating dead in the water while two Dominican men (SMALLER THAN ME mind you) had to hoist my fat ass up onto this row boat. I was HUMILIATED. The people on the boat were nice, but not that nice. When I got back onto the catamaran, I heard them joking about me in Spanish. Little did they know I took six years of it, and my Spanish is still pretty damn good. After this woman patched up my leg, I sat on the upper deck in the sun. I sipped my cocktail, smoked a cigarette and wanted to cry my eyes out. The girls were still out, and I wasn't ready to go swim with the sharks and sting rays yet. It was in that moment, I felt so ashamed. Like I didn't deserve to have such a lavish vacation. 

It was moments like these, that made me so insecure to show any parts of my body. I was ashamed of how I looked, and in all honesty to some degree I still feel that way. I had promised myself back in September when I initiated this weight loss program, that I'd be comfortable by summer to wear summery things. I finally feel like I'm at that point! I got lots of new shorts and shirts, and don't feel conscious at all about wearing them out. Now, a bathing suit is a totally different story! I'm pretty top heavy, so finding a suit with enough support is always a problem. Speaking of which, my spare tire (lower pouch area) has gone down significantly, and my legs are starting to look really good. Getting to the point where how I feel is reflected to how I look, is amazing. I mean it's always been there hello! The first thing you think of when you see someone dressing frumpy and a mess, they're probably not feeling too great. At least that's what I think. You'd have to be in that place to understand. 

I'm gaining confidence in myself on a daily basis, it is slow but surely getting there. Every day I've been given lessons in my life to use. I don't EVER want to feel like I felt on that catamaran. No matter what size I am, I never want to be ashamed because of my outside appearance. It's true. When you're larger, you begin to think that you don't deserve a fulfilled life. You feel inferior because of the way you look. I don't want to be that girl, that people comment on. "She's got such a pretty face..." but what? Not a body to match it? It's incredibly painful, a reality that all people with body image issues face. 

The support from my friends, family and staff at Aviva has made such a positive change for me. Something that I can feel inside shining to the outside. I don't think they'll ever realize what a big deal it is, to just give that iota of encouragement. It's definitely more help and positive energy than some people have. I'm finally feeling happy about myself, inside and out!

Grads!

Congratulations to all the graduates out there!

What an insane day! Graduation is such a huge deal, sometimes I don't think people take it seriously. It's not just the completion of school, but it's another door into your life. When I graduated school, I felt like it was no big deal. I didn't realize how much of an accomplishment it was, and how important is is to recognize it. 

Marissa graduated from Marist, and the campus was gorgeous! It was a beautiful day out, and we all definitely got lots of sun! I have a sweet farmer tan to prove it! Although they did call each student up by name, it went fast than I anticipated it to. A couple weeks ago one of our friends had said it was weird for us to go to a commencement ceremony for your friend. Pfffshh.  I don't think it's strange at all! I've been to PLENTY of ceremonies for my friends. I mean, it's a HUGE deal. Besides, I happened to be off and was happy that I could make it! It's times like these, that you shouldn't miss out on. Being a part of someone's milestone, is a huge deal. Forget the presents and the cards, you'll always remember the people who were there to support you. No matter what! Am I right?

Am I getting smaller? Pretty sure I am, despite the fact I ate 1/2 that grilled debauchery of a sandwich! LOL

This is partially the reason why I'm such a shutter bug. I take pictures of literally everything. They're memories, and I intend to keep a record of them as best I can! After the ceremony we took pictures and headed out to have lunch. Marissa's dad and step mom took us to this grill that was really nice, and they treated us. Jacki had to work that night, so we left before the other girls did. The car ride home was fun, I love chit chatting on long drives. Thank God Jacki was with me, or else I would have slipped into a giant food coma!

I'm so happy that I got to share such a big moment in Marissa's life. It definitely is scary entering the "real world", but a big relief that all your continued hard work has paid off. The commencement speech was great, and super true.

"Always strive to learn. If you stop learning, you stop living."

Advice that everyone should definitely take. This weekend did make me miss college a bit, but weirdly enough it made me compare my life to others. At the age of 26, I should be proud to be as successful as I am and totally blessed for everything I have. I've come a long way in my life journey, and plan on having more adventures. I hope that every new graduate stepping into the world doesn't forget who they are, and where they came from. No matter what, your friends and family will be there to support you. Go take a risk, and reach for the stars while you still can!

Wee car ride!

Let's go!

I hung around Friday during the day, getting some things done around the house. Jax and I were both off of work, so luck for us we could relax. Nikki was able to get out work early, so we were super excited to hit the road!

Who needs a damn groundhog to tell when the weather is breaking? All I have to do is take a drive down the interstate and see the sea of giant orange cones in full bloom! Listen, I get it. I understand that the roads need work, but jeez! Honestly they pick the WORST time to do construction around here! While on our way, we missed the exit for the detour but whatever. The route it took us on, I have been on there before so it wasn't a big deal. We just took the scenic route! 

We ended up getting to Marissa's right around dinner time. Of course none of us ate before we left, so needless to say we were STARVING ready to eat our arms off. Marissa took us to this place called Billy Joe's Rib something or other, that was really cool. It was right off the Hudson River and super fun. I wish it had been warm, so we could have eaten outside! The wait was about 45 mins, and by then we worked up such appetites! Our eyes were WAY bigger than our stomachs and we were all hurting units by the end of the mean. I totally cheated this weekend, I must confess. HOWEVER, I did portion control! Marissa suggested this AWFUL sandwich, and by awful I mean like pure fat lol! It was grilled mac and cheese, in other words mac and cheese like in the middle of a grilled cheese. I wasn't sure how it was going to taste, it sounds gross but totally hit the spot. I got pulled pork on mine too. I only ate one half of it and picked at the other. I wasn't feeling too guilty about it, but it's not like I'll ever eat there anytime soon!

Grilled Mac and Cheese @ BJ's

We had planned on doing a fire that night, but we ended up totally slunking out and going to bed. An early day was ahead of us, and we all needed to get our beauty sleep for sure! 

I'll be there!

I love catching up with friends.

Last week I text Michele and asked her if she wanted to do dinner. Dianna is home from PA school, and I've missed her so much! These girls were my closest friends at work, before they left me all by my lonesome. The cheese stands alone.

We went to an Irish pub in our town, that I head had really awesome food. It was okay, but nothing I would go out of my way for. It was fun to catch up with both of them, and have a story exchange. I'm really happy for both of them. They seem to have all their ducks in a row, and are super happy with their lives. I'm glad we all had time to catch up, and made a promise that we'd do it again soon.

I spent most of today just relaxing. I needed to catch up on my sleep of course, so I slept in like a princess. Jax, Nikki and I are heading to Marissa's tomorrow night, to attend her commencement ceremony Saturday morning. I'm hoping that the parking up there won't be too bad. If I could have gone to all of my friend's graduations, I seriously would have. It's a really important accomplishment. A lot of people (including myself) don't want to attend them. After being forced to go to mine, I realize now how it's not so much about you. It's about giving the people you love and care about the chance to recognize that all their hard work and support  was worth it. That they've been a part of something really wonderful, a piece of someone's life. So don't be so selfish and just go! There's only so much time to be there for the people you love and care about. Let them in!

This weekend is going to be bananas for sure. I don't need a stupid groundhog to tell me when good weather is approaching; all I need to do is look for the bright orange construction cones of the road. Some bozo out there always decides to do construction on the road during gradation. I'm kind of glad I won't be in town this weekend! Anyway, hope you all had a great Thursday! Probably won't be on to catch up until after this weekend! Have a great one all!

Spa-la-la!

I LOVE YOU SPA.

Since Marissa was home, I wanted to do something nice for both of us. She's graduating college this weekend, and I've been having a hard time picking out what to get her. If you all remember, she was the one who drove me to work and picked me up when I brilliantly locked myself out of the house on Monday. I really wanted to book us a spa day, and that's exactly what I did.

My lower back pain is increasing, to the point where I have pain moving. It's from all the heavy labor I do at work, pushing and pulling people is catching up with me. I am DEATHLY afraid of the chiropractor as you all know, so I thought maybe getting a massage would help it out. There's a new spa place in our area. I've been to the salon part of it, but I've never had a professional massage before so I thought it was worth a shot.

Marissa picked me up and drove. IT WAS AWESOME! The facility was extremely high end, clean and professional. I felt like a Real Housewife! We got changed into our robes and sat in the "relaxation room" before they called us back. They had pitchers of fruit infused water, OMG delish! I need to buy myself a pitcher, just so I can have that at home! We got into the "couples room" (LOL) and they came in to start. The girl Danielle that was working on me first asked if I had any problem areas. My shoulders have been literally KILLING me for years and I told her about my back. I AM A WUSS. I HATE when people poke me with their fingers. It fucking hurts. I just have sensitive skin I guess. I knew a deep tissue massage was really what I needed, but from my research I've concluded that it probably hurts like a mofo. We got full body Sweedish massages, which were incredible. They ask throughout the massage if the pressure was okay. Thank God I was face down in the head holder, because when she started working on my shoulders it FREAKING HURT. I knew I had to just suck it up, and take it like a champ if I wanted to feel better. So that's exactly what I did.

When she had me flip over on my back, I asked her if my shoulders were really bad. She gave me like the most sympathetic expression on her face and said "they're really bad". GREAAAATTTT. She also told me that the back of my thighs and calves were super tight. Between all three of those areas, that is what is probably causing my back pain. She was definitely right, because I don't have any pain at all today (one full day later). After our massages, we got dressed and headed back into the salon area. I got my eyebrows waxed and picked up a few others things. In general I would say my experience there was a A+! Danielle apologized after for having to apply more pressure in certain areas, but I assured her it was okay. I understand that in order to work these things out, it's probably going to hurt. I am definitely going back to schedule another appointment. My shoulders are still like rock hard, but not as bad as they were before. It's going to take a while before I can get them straightened out. Then, I'll go to the dreaded chiro. 

We went to grab some lunch at Fridays. It was the only chain restaurant in the area we liked, and had outdoor seating. We ate our lunch and afterwards did a little shopping. I got a new pair of wedges! YAY! I've been on the hunt for wedges, but couldn't find the perfect ones. These ones are super cute, although I'm not sure if I like the color of the straps but whatever. They'll practically match everything. They're about 4" high with a 1 1/2" platform on the bottom, and are SUPER comfy to walk in. I always thought wedges would be way harder to walk in, but I'm realizing they're kind of the way to go. I'll let you know, as soon as I break them in! All said and done, it was a really great day spent with one of my besties!

I'm FREE!

And now the moment I've been waiting for...

I'M FREE! Tuesday came along, and boy was I glad to see it! Work has been pretty steady, but this entire week has dragged ass. Actually dragging ass is an understatement! It's crazy how your fatigue catches up with you so quickly. 

I spent most of Tuesday behaving myself and refraining from snacking. I have a horrible relationship with snacking. It is the main culprit of sabotage. The reality of stopping when you feel full, has finally sunk in for me. Although, that pesky habit of needing something to crunch on is still there. Craig sent me over Scooby Snacks this week, they're just graham cracker sticks--but it was enough to keep my temptation there. I had Staci put them away in the cupboard. I always keep little containers of applesauce and mandarin oranges in the fridge for my mornings. When I get up, I try to eat some fruit before I head into work, but if I can't I just use that as my backup. I took the high road and ditched the Scooby Snacks for some fruit. Not too shabby.

Dr. Cusimano is on vacation this week, so I'll be going to my appointment next week instead. I have all high hopes that I can lose the extra pounds I put back on by then. Wish me luck!

Locked up

More like locked out!

All I have to say is, what the hell was I thinking?! Apparently I wasn't! I was super tired from last night. I stayed at work late to cover a bit, while the night staff had a meeting. No big deal, I wanted to watch Desperate Housewives anyway. It was the final episode ever last night. By the time I would have got home, I definitely would have missed a lot so I'm glad I stayed. 

Being completely exhausted, I stumbled into the house with just enough umph to to hop in my jammies and go to bed. Waking up to my annoying alarm clock was really hard, all I wanted to do was sleep in. Yuck. I got in the shower, changed my clothes and got my things together. I grabbed my bag and my fleece jacket, locked the door and walked out. WAIT...WAIT! YOU'VE GOT TO BE FREAKING KIDDING ME. No keys on me, in fact I could see them through the window. GREAT.

After pounding on the door (like it would open lol), trying to pick the lock with a screwdriver and knife, breaking on of the screens in the window in attempt to open it...I was at a total loss. My mother has DRILLED it into my head to lock like every existing door in my house, so I was majorly fucked until 12:30 when my dad got home from work. I paced around for about ten minutes before I called work and told them what happened. I ALWAYS feel guilty about showing up to work late, or calling in (which I never do). Our schedule was busy and I didn't want to be late! I kicked the door a few more times, thinking that my killer Nike's would magically open up the door and throw my keys at me. I went into the garage and looked around for any keys that I could find. There was a spare I had put in there, and was super pumped to find it! My savior, gee how freaking smart I am! I got into my car and started it. Rumm, rummm. WOULDN'T START. UGH. This key wasn't programmed to start my car, only to open up the doors. MOTHER EFFER. 

It was then when I realized that Marissa was home until the end of the week! YES! Thank God for good friends, because I called and woke her up. She was AWESOME enough to take me to work and pick me up later! She was definitely a life saver. If Marissa never came to get me, I'd be stuck outside for three hours. Everyone wants to make fun of us "young folk" for always having our cell phones on us. Well let me tell you bitches what, if I didn't have my phone with me...talk about being seriously FUBARed. 

I ended up being only 11 minutes late to work, and thankful that one of my bestest friends in the world was home! The rest of the day was kind of a blur. Needless to say, I'll be keeping my keys with my phone from now on! 

Summer is...

smelling like a bon fire before bed.

This weekend was really nice. I didn't particularly want to go out, meaning downtown. My work schedule is super busy, and I don't exactly feel like going home and getting ready to go out all the time. A good friend of mine moved home from California, and I've been meaning to get together with him. Friday night we all met up for a small gathering at a friend's house. We did a bon fire there, and of course launched fireworks. It was really fun! I got to catch up with him and his wife and just chill out. Who doesn't love a good night with a fire, great friends and some awesome conversation? Oh right, and lighting shit on fire that EXPLODES. 

Yeah it wasn't all fun and games. RS decided to toss what "looked" like cardboard into the fire. I smelled sulfur and yelled "DISPERSE, DISPERSE!" and we all ran away from the fire screaming. They weren't huge or anything, just like little rocket fireworks and zig zagged out about ten feet from the pit. Even then as we all ran, RS was just sitting there drinking his beer while fireworks shot through his legs. This is why every Fourth of July, I get slammed with a bunch of patients. Not the smartest thing to do, but whatever we had fun!

Work went by pretty quick and painless this weekend. I didn't really mind going in and doing my thing, but I wasn't much for talking to anyone. Things have been kind of crazy there and I just wanted to read in between doing work. After I got out, I headed over to Shake's for a nice night of porching it. Her parents have a great house and an awesome porch. We all sat around some candles, blankets wrapped around us and country music playing. Marissa was also home, so it was super nice to have both of them home. We hung out and laughed a lot, then all called it a night. No hangover the next day, no insane stories to tell. Just a nice night with some rest and relaxation. 

It's the weekends like these that I live for. No one ever knows how much time they have with the people they care for the most, friends that they trust and love. So you should take advantage of the time you have with each other, while it's still available. 

Decision making

I LOATHE MAKING DECISIONS.

Especially when they involve too many factors, and not a lot of time. I've been faced with making some crucial decisions in the past few years. You'd think I'd be getting better at this, but I'm just not. It's grueling. The sheer thought of perhaps making the wrong decision and being worse off than you were, is enough to slow the process down. Even though getting advice from other people is super nice, only you can make that choice for what's best in your life. BOO. I HATE IT!

Needless to say, I was going to base an important decision on emotion. I didn't have enough time to decide what I was going to do. Only about a day to seriously think. Hien has been telling me over and over again, that I complain about the same things every time I  have a meltdown. Which okay fine, some things are yes repetitive. She advised me to do a pro and con list, which I usually do anyway. There were to many factors on each side to make a clear decision. When in doubt, I had to rely on my gut and decide that making a decision based on new info and emotion was not a good combination. Only time will tell if I made the right one. 

Things are never always perfect in life of course. Some things you can change, and some you just can't. The whole saying, you reap what you sow is right on. Rarely have I ever been let down by listening to my gut. I'm just crossing my fingers and hoping that it was the right one. Either way, I am thankful that I have a job and most everything that I need for now. What matters to me at this point, is my sanity. And that sanity, always comes with a price.

It's gonna be a bumpy ride!

The past few days have been insane...

So I went to my appointment and was sad to find that I gained another pound back. That puts me up to a total of three pounds back. Talk about some serious frustration. Even though I do feel like I've been making progress, this upsets me like no tomorrow. I'm just going to have to work harder in the next week to get back down. I definitely know and have faith in myself that I ABSOLUTELY CAN! Just got to keep puttering along, and keep everything going day by day.

While I was in for my office visit, I chit chatted to Cody about some other things going on. I feel really comfortable talking to her about anything, she's really nice. I've been under a lot of stress lately and it has taken a toll on me completely. Things haven't gotten to me this bad for a while, and I'm looking for ways to deal with it better. Maybe she is right, I should take a spa day and treat myself or something? That always feels so weird to me. On top of it, I started getting back pain this week. 

It's super important to know how to maneuver your body, while working. Although I've been there for a while and know this, I think it's all the lifting and sliding and moving that's catching up with me. For someone my age this is kind of strange, with all things considered maybe not so strange? I AM DEATHLY AFRAID OF THE CHIROPRACTOR.  Has anyone ever gone before? What scares me the most is them working your neck. Like going into spasm after they adjust you OR JERKING YOU HEAD AWAY AS A REFLEX WHILE THEY'RE ADJUSTING YOU...and then of course having your skull pop off of your spine and roll away on the floor. YEAH, you all go ahead and laugh! It's probably worse for me, because I know there is always risk going to them. Some people swear by them, and some curse them. 

Maybe a massage will help me out, it would probably be good to just get my muscles worked on. Either way, if the pain doesn't stop I'll seriously consider going and getting cracked. Sometimes you just got to hold on for the ride...eek!

Short stick

Today wasn't as bad as I thought.

Don't get me wrong, I'm totally tired. I ended up staying awake until about 2:00am and then got up around 8:00am. Yup. My life in a nutshell, insomnia then springing into action for work. This can't really be good for my health right?! 

I was happy to see some familiar faces today! They sent over two techs from the other hospital today, so I had extra buddies. It's been really nice to have time to see them and catch up a bit. I don't feel so alone and isolated when I have people around me that make me comfortable. Staci brought me over some Scooby Snacks that Craig sent her with. My friend Craig loves Scooby Snacks and jelly beans. I brought him and Staci some Sweet Tarts for Easter last time I was there, so he's returning the favor. Super sweet. We weren't really that busy today, and I had plenty of things to get around and do.

We all went out for a walk while our machine was getting a tune up. So we got some exercise in while we were at work, and the weather was pretty nice. I'm still having anxiety over my appointment tomorrow. Cody told me that she'd get Dr. Cusimano in to talk to me tomorrow, so I'm hoping all goes well. I really just think I'm in some kind of a funk. I guess I could attribute part of the weight gain to exercising more. The whole muscle weighs more than fat theory, which is probably true. I've been working really hard on getting back into shape and thinning out, I can't get too upset over having a hiccup I suppose.

You're always your own worst enemy. No one is really harder on me, than myself. It's just something that I'm going to have to try and get over. How exactly are you supposed to get over that? I've dealt with the whole self sabotage thing, and I'm dancing on the other side of it. I guess what I'm trying to say, is that to some degree I feel like I'm always falling short of the big goal. Weird right? It's a terrible way to think, but my next lesson I'm going to have to learn.

Anyway, I'm stuck doing laundry for the rest of the night! Off to my appointment early tomorrow morning! God have mercy on the scale! LOL

Calm before the storm

I couldn't sleep a wink last night.

The sheer horror of another work week, was enough to keep me up all night. We've been going through a lot of changes there, and it's been rough on everyone. My "eagerness" to go to work, has never been like through the roof thrilled of course, but lately I've been feeling kind of blah about it. I don't hate my job, it just stinks to go back after you've enjoyed all your time off!

I didn't do much of anything yesterday. Usually before I go back, I like to wind down the day before. Translation, I usually keep that day all to myself. Netflix has either been a blessing or a serious bad habit! I went to the grocery store and bought some supplies to last me the week. Just a few bags of salad, applesauce and some fruit to bring along in my giant Harry Potter tote. The overwhelming feeling of being one of those "bag ladies" always takes over when I'm walking into work. I can't help it! Sometimes you just need a big bag to bring your survival kit! 

This weekend has been super fun, however I'm dreading to get on the scale. It seems like the past few weeks things haven't been going the way I've wanted them to. Can't always get what you want I suppose, but I'm starting to feel like I'm stuck in a rut. 

Pants on the floor

GRRR.

WHY! I've hit a major bump. These few weeks will literally be the the death of me, unless I can wrap my head around what's going on! I've been taking all of my medications like I should, doing my bars and shakes and I can't get off of this stupid PLATEAU! 

The human body is so weird. Maybe I should listen to Cody more and take the whole water gain by getting your period into consideration. I just can't help but feel like it's an excuse though. That's my own issues revolving around that theory though! It could totally be true, I mean when you get bloated it's probably due to water. Okay so fine, it is a possibility--but not an explanation that I WANT. 

I was super glad to get in lots of exercise in this past weekend. I really need to go to the gym, and switch my membership. I go to Planet Fitness and have the regular white card. I used to have a black card, and got rid of it. At the time no one else wanted to go with me, and I didn't use the tanning booths. They have these red light therapy booths now that supposedly help with your metabolism, and break down cellulite or something crazy. I figured I might as well take a shot at it. What do I have to lose? I hate going to the gym during school session. All the college kids clutter up the gym, and all the machines are taken. Sometimes I stay there so long, that I do like four miles on the treadmill before I can get my hands onto a machine. Freaking ridiculous. ANYWAY, I have to go there to switch my account the membership fee comes out of. Totally been meaning to do that for a while now. 

I'm going to measure myself tomorrow. There's a serious difference in the way my clothes are fitting, and I need to confirm that I'm losing somewhere if not on the scale. I need to take care of a few odds and ends before I go buy myself a new wardrobe! I am in some serious need of scrubs. Everyone can always tell which pocket I put my phone into at work, because my pants slope down on that side. I have the drawstrings pulled as tight as they will go, and it's not cutting it anymore. Scrubs suck. I despise buying them. It's the same way I feel about buying work out clothes. Why do they charge so much for clothes you're just going to get dirty in? Well whatever Thao, they're just expensive so suck it up and accept it! I'm pretty sure that even after writing this blog, I'm going to put off buying new scrubs and clothes for a few more weeks LOL.

Epiphany

We all got up around the same time Sunday morning. I was glad to just take it easy for the day, and not worry about running around or doing anything on time. That's the beauty of the weekend, and that's exactly how it should be. I've bitched over and over again, my utter hate for people who make things more complicated than they need to be--meaning they make things complicated for themselves, and eventually roll over their complications to everyone else. It's ridiculous. Not to get all hippy on people, but I honestly don't understand how people LIVE like that. It's not living, it's being MISERABLE. At least in my book it is. I've been all about enjoying myself these days, and not giving a fuck if anyone else is having fun. I've spent too many years of my life working around others, and I'm just not doing that anymore. Totally over that whole scene. 

I was really sad to leave Marissa's. I seriously had such a good time! Weekends like these, 

are the epitome of ME. What I like to do, what I enjoy doing. I always feel like I'm not the fun one in our group, and I've grown to realize that's not the case at all. Sure I'm pretty objective and not as crazy like some of the bunch, but I'm crazy in other ways. As I'm getting older, I'm really starting to notice things that bother me. Going out from weekend to weekend is getting monotonous. I can't deal with it anymore. I'm not the girl who likes to go downtown to bars and get hammered, so much that I can't remember what I did the night before. I'm all for a good time, but not always up for what everyone else's definition of a "good time" is. It's not fun for me. I'm starting to go through a pretty big transition in my life. It's definitely time to evaluate my social habits.

We're not teenagers anymore, we're pretty much half way through our adult lives. The era of being irresponsible spoiled brats have come to pass. The excuses of making bad decisions will only carry you for so long. I need more motivation in my life, passion and something that drives me to find any meaning I can in my life. I'm finding it in travel and adventures around the world. I just feel like I've been drowning in a stagnant pool of nowhere land, and I need to come up for air. I love my friends, I really do. It's just time for a change in me. Different things are becoming more important in my life, and I'm just not on the same page as others are. It's always kind of a sad moment, when you realize you're on different paths with the people you love. I'm not insinuating that I'm better or above anyone else, we just grow at different rates. Everyone sooner or later will reach a point in their lives, where what they've been doing just isn't enough anymore. It's like poison, not having enough stimulus in your life. Drags you down, kills your moods and beats out any passion that ever existed in you. I'm simply not allowing it to dominate my life. 

I may live a small insignificant life to others, but that doesn't mean I'm not important. I may be at the mercy of other people temporarily for a few hours a day, but they hold no rightful ownership to the story of my life. In the grand scheme, you just can't let the "little things" hold you back from all the bigger things that are yet to come to you! It's taken me a long time to understand what that means, and I'm taking full advantage of it now! I've always felt like people don't understand or know me. How I operate, cope, what makes me tick. This weekend was more than just having a great time with one of my besties; it made me realize what's important in my life, and totally attainable to regain my umph back. 

AAAAAARRRRIBA!

Cinco de Derby!

The drive to Albany was pretty quick! Jeff and I arrived around dinner time, and we all decided to grab a bite to eat. Marissa is really good at finding new places to go. Her and Jeff have a really great attitude about trying new things. She took us to this small family Italian restaurant, and we had a great time. After dinner, we did some driving around and then headed back.

Saturday was amazingly fun! We all got up and got some breakfast in our bellies, and it was off to find some adventure! I'm always glad to be around people who have the same adventure mentality as I do. I'm very open to trying new things like food, activities, basically things that I've never done before. What's the point of TRAVEL if you're not interested in the culture, food and or things that a city, state or country is made of? There's really no point. I wouldn't classify myself as a picky eater; I mean there are definitely some things that I don't like, but I'm seriously no stick in the mud. I've been getting into hiking a lot more. It's a really great activity that is physical and it's actually really emotional too. There are few things that you can easily take part in, that literally take your breath away. Hiking is one of them for me. We headed to one of the state parks and it was totally packed. I couldn't have gone up for a visit at a better time. 

We hiked until we got way over there!

Under the waterfall!

We started at this cliff overlook point and parked the car. There were lots of people there, so we just kind of followed the crowd around the paths to see where it took us. We could see this waterfall in the distance, but I couldn't really tell how far it was. Jumping right in, we suddenly came to this SUPER STEEP staircase that lead straight down. The stairs were old, but there was no danger in them giving out. Pretty soon, we found ourselves twisting and turning in some really tight spots, until we magically arrived behind the waterfall. It was super awesome! I had my phone with me, so of course I was shutter bugging away at everything! We kept going on our hike and found a few more caves and another waterfall. We wound up on the other side of the park, and had to climb another set of steep ass stairs to get back up on the hill. It wasn't until we got up and started walking back, that we realized how far away we had gone! We were hiking for easily two to three hours. If I had to estimate, it was probably like a four mile hike at least, plus stairs. It was a good time.

After our hiking adventure, we headed back to the apartment to watch the derby of course! We washed up and headed out to a Mexican restaurant of course for dinner. I borderline hate Mexican food, but I didn't tell Marissa that lol. Some people will argue and say "oh it's because you've never had REAL Mexican..." BULLSHIT. Real Mexican food of course, is NOT Taco Bell. I've traveled plenty and have been exposed to some of the best Mexican restaurants around. I'm not really a fan. I'll eat tacos, because they're pretty much the same. It's the spices that I don't particularly care for. If I do Mexican, it's usually like TexMex. The wait was long of course, being Cinco de Mayo and all. We found seats at the bar and ordered margaritas. BIG MISTAKE. These bad boys were STRONG. I know I haven't been drinking much at all, but even Marissa got drunk after just one. I was about half way through mine, when all the sudden it hit me. Then the Dos Equis girls came around and bought us a round of beers! GREAT. By the time the hostess found us for seating,  I wasn't completely confident I could walk in a straight line to get to the table. As usual, I took it like a champ and made it safe and sound!

The food was really good! I have some strange expectations when it comes to food. I LOVE the smell of hot sauce, but I literally cannot eat it. Medium is even too spicy for me. I LOVE the smell of Southwestern/Mexican spices, I just don't like the way they taste. Odd ball right? Overall Saturday was a great day, when we got back to the apartment I totally passed out. It was a great day!

Brass Monkey

The death of an era.

Adam Yauch aka MCA from the Beastie Boys passed away after his battle with cancer. I am seriously super bummed. The Beastie Boys music was a serious part of my childhood and adolescence, their songs took part in the soundtrack of my life.  I am truly sad about this. There's something so awesome about their music, something that makes you just wanna get up and get crazy. Their songs were more than just about partying and having a good time, they were about living. Everyone is alive, but how many of us truly live? Yeah, ponder on that for a hot minute.

I remember when I was a kid going ape shit on the trampoline to "Brass Monkey". I couldn't get enough of it! Hien, Whitney and I would jam out to tunes while he bounced our way through summer on the trampoline. Shit, I even remember when we used to camp out on it and sleep! Grandma bought it for us in the summertime, and she was probably cursing at herself a few months later when the injuries started rolling in. We were all hell on wheels. No matter what activity she'd put us in, we'd tear it up! The trampoline was the single most useful investment my grandmother got us for our summer monkey fests. We'd bring out little stereo boom box outside and start jumping like wild animals to The Beastie Boys. Singing along and have fun just being crazy. It was probably one of the best memories I have with the girls. 

To pay homage to Adam, I'm rocking all Beastie Boys tracks in my car today. I'm headed to Albany to go visit Marissa at her new place, and plan on having a really nice weekend. It's Cinco de Mayo and DERBY DAY! So we'll probably end up at a Mexican bar someplace, drinking margaritas and watching the race lol. Tomorrow morning, Marissa is taking Jeff and I hiking. I'm super excited! I haven't been hiking in a while, and I'm anxious to get some exercise and adventure hunting in. Especially because the weather has been so nice. 

Speaking of Brass Monkey, I tried out my new clarifying shampoo today! Holy shit. What a difference it made! My hair is squeaky clean and it smells awesome! I highly recommend it! It feels like Vick's Vapor Rub on your scalp and it makes the whole shower smell minty fresh! I am definitely keeping this product in my bathroom at all times!

It's not really that expensive. The shampoo is about $13 and conditioner is $16 I think. For the results it gives, it has more than paid for itself. I can't even tell you how relieved and refreshing it is to have your normal hair back again! I picked mine up at Ulta, but you can find it in Sephora and online. 

All right everyone! Have a fabulous weekend, full of Derby and margaritas!

Ole!