My Nutty Valentine

Happy Valentine's Day!

I've had a super interesting day to say the least! Last night I stayed up and caught up on my Shamelss! I'm super addicted to this show, it's hysterical. Valentine's Day really hasn't meant much to me to tell you the truth. Even when I was with someone, I didn't make a big deal. Sure you get treats and give each other a little extra lovin', but honestly it's another ordinary day for me. I was scrolling around on my Facebook page last night, and one of my friends posted something that piqued my interest:

"Happy Valentines Day to all of the single people, who are proud to be so. Just bc we are single, doesn't mean we're available. ♥"

I've never really felt too awful about being alone. I'm not one of those people who need to have someone around to make me feel whole. With everything that has been going on, it's been more and more important to me--basically just to be good to myself. I've had quite a bit go on in my life, and I'm feeling like I'm coming to a point where "acceptance" or whatever you want to call it, has played a huge part in my growth. It's not that I accept everything that's happen to me, or even that I've made up my own justification. It's the fact that I feel like I'm truly ready to face those scary demons under my bed that have been following me around. For better or for worse, I've had to confront them.

It's truly difficult to describe love. I'm a pretty damn articulate person, and I have trouble explaining it. It's something that I could never imagine what the world would be like, without it's existence. That I've never known a life without love, and for that I am truly blessed. Like everyone I'm sure, I've had difficult relationships with significant others, family, friendships. I think that element of doubt plays in the back of everyone's mind. Do I deserve love? Love from mom, dad, this person, that person? Do I truly deserve it? Crazy right? That we all question ourselves on something that is ingrained in us from birth. I've been accused of "wearing my heart on my sleeve", but I don't think it's such a bad thing. Taking risks are always scary, but I'd risk everything for love--everything that I had. It's true what they say, you must truly love yourself before you can love someone else. We all obviously nod our heads like we really know what that means, but you honestly and truly don't find that out until later. 

I'm a very open person. Although I am skeptical about some things, I don't totally rule any possibility out. I've been extremely intuitive since I was a child. Everyone has intuition, you know that gut feeling you get--but it's so much more than that. This is not really a part of my life that I like to share with people. Everyone is entitled to their beliefs, and I don't like to offend anyone. I've only shared this with literally a hand full of people, because I'm pretty sure people are going to think I'm a whack job. I'm not denying I'm crazy, because everyone has a degree of crazy in them. Without further beating around the bush, I've been working for a few years on developing intuition/gifts/psychic abilities that I've had. THERE IT'S OUT, I SAID IT. I'm a closet reader. I'm not saying I can tell you when you're going to die or when you'll meet the love of your life--I'm just saying that with enough focus and discipline I've been able to help others out using my intuition and sight. Don't get too excited! It is incredibly difficult for me to read people who are close to me, friends, family etc--and I absolutely can't read for myself (if that were the case, I wouldn't be so messed up now would I?!) I'm assuming this is because my view of things in their lives are already skewed by my personal opinions--I wouldn't be able to get a clear view. ANYWAY, now that you all think I'M A WHACK JOB--IT'S ABOUT TO GET NUTTIER.

A friend of mine had recently gone to a session that she thought I'd benefit from. I went today to get my first past life regression reading. I've had plenty of psychic readings and aura readings and all that stuff, but never a regression. It's pretty awesome actually. You're not completely under hypnosis, but almost in a day dream like state. I came to a point in my life where I needed help to make sense of things. Why I have so much anger towards my mom, why certain things upset me and effect me--so this was my goal. At this point, I didn't see the harm in going to see what it was all about. I didn't think I'd be able to meditate enough to put me under, but I totally was able to do it. Basically, like any other form of hypnosis you're being guided. I was afraid because I didn't want to see anything scary, and I didn't! Most everything that you "see" are revisited memories in your past. Details that you may have lacked to notice. I could go on and write an enormous post about it, but in a nutshell I feel a world of difference.

I was able to understand things that I didn't before. Why I felt a certain way or how I reacted.   That some things impacted my life significantly more, than I ever imagined. This was my form of closure with myself. Things that I literally couldn't have made sense of, unless I went back to face it and call it out on it's shit. The session was extremely emotional, and let me tell you...crying with your eyes shut is the weirdest thing ever! I never dreamed that something as spaced out and nutty as this, could actually help me. I left the session feeling super tired and drained. It's a lot to go through, reliving your past and feeling all those emotions again. I'm glad i did it just the same. 

I've always had hope and optimism in matters of my personal life, even when I thought it was so far from my reach. Understanding more about myself, is a huge feat for me. It's going to be a process, but for the first time in my life I can actually say that I do love myself. Forgiveness is a weird thing, and as much as I desperately thought I needed to forgive other people, I really needed to forgive myself.

Just a friendly reminder:

I'm not a nut job! I'm still me! No need to poke fun, 

act weird or be afraid to ask me things.

But I bet y'all will think twice now when I say I have super ninja powers!

;)