FOLDED.

UGH.

What's the point of a realistic blog, if you don't tell the truth? This past week has been murder. I've literally indulged myself in ever way possible, so needless to say...this bitch folded.

It's always exceedingly difficult around the holidays to behave when it comes to eating. Some days I find myself without any real appetite at all. Not because I'm particularly avoiding it, but literally because my body doesn't need it. I've posted several times on here about how your own psyche has so much to do with your weight. I wish the human brain didn't puzzle me so, but it really does. It amazes me how the human body really works. And this is coming from someone who majored in human biology and science! Still, it surprises me all the time.

Indulgence. There is no definition in world that can state it is necessary. It's totally not. We indulge, we cave, we fold, because we enjoy it. Does that make us weak? Sometimes yes, most often it is due to self mutilation, self loathing, and sabotage. Don't get it twisted. When you indulge in something, it's hard not to get carried away. This doesn't just pertain to food either. It's related to everything we do.

How many times have you done something that you know you'll regret? It doesn't mean you're a fucking psychic, it means you are simply aware of this plague called indulgence. Indulgence to me, means simply doing something because I secretly hate myself. Pretty harsh right, but it's really how I feel. Some days I just don't give a fuck and there I go. Straight to fucking hell.

This past week was just that for me. I had a great time with my family at home, my friends, I always love a good get together. However, I'm feeling such remorse now over the decisions I've made. Not just eating but guilty about spending money, buying shit that I really don't need. Okay maybe I actually do, so I shouldn't be so somber about it. My clothes are literally two to three sizes too big for me. None of my jeans fit, I'm swimming in most of my shirts and feel like I'm always wearing a potato sack around me. In other words, I'm justifying my purchases at Express. They were all great deals, after Christmas discounts and for the most part I'm pretty pleased.

I've never really had control issues, that is issues over letting myself get out of control. Most people would describe me as having my shit together. Well guess what, they're fucking right. I allow myself from time to time to really just let everything go to shit so to speak. Awful isn't it? I don't drink really, and I don't do drugs, I shop because when I want something I just go get it, and I do most things because I want to. Some people allow themselves to wallow in being depressed, I give myself a time limit. It's a coping mechanism I've formed for myself since I was about seven. It works really well for me, and other times hinders me. I've learned so much over the years on how to deal with circumstances in my life. I don't sit and wallow in anything because it isn't fucking productive. 

In a world where I can control very little, I at l east have the ability to work harder at the things I can attempt to keep in line. 

I gave myself this past week to binge, to misbehave and go straight to fucking hell. I'm over it, I enjoyed it, and now i can let it the fuck go.

Judge me all you want. I'd be a fool not to think there are lots of people out there that would like nothing better than to see me fall. You can see me fall all you want, but you will see me stand back up. 
Every. Fucking. Time.

Powdered What?!

PB2

Have you heard of it? Maybe, maybe not. If you're familiar with protein shakes, you may have heard of this product. It's  powdered peanut butter. Adding peanut butter is pretty popular with protein shakes. There are all kinds of recipes online to switch things up.

I was skeptical at first, just like I am with everything. It wasn't 100% needed, but you guys know me well enough by now...impulse buyer. Guilty as charged. Not only was I super curious, I really wanted to see what all the hype was about. I decided to venture out, like a complete idiot, to the mall two days after Christmas. I wandered around trying to find a copy of Mario Kart for the Wii, then got side tracked at the giant sale at Bath and Body Works before hitting up GNC. Of course they were OUT of it at GNC, and so was Vitamin World. 

The next day I went to Wegmans and managed to find a similar product. It's still powdered peanut butter. 

So I picked this up in the organic section, and figured it was close enough. The idea of using this, is the fat elimination. The directions instruct you to mix two tablespoons of powder with one tablespoon of water. You're making your own paste if you will. One serving of this contain 1.5g fat. 

I have to admit, I've never tried putting peanut butter in my shakes. The idea of it piqued my interest, and I'll definitely use it. Mixing regular peanut butter from a blender, kind of seemed messy. When I discovered the powder, I was super excited. Upon opening up the lid, I wasn't surprised at all. It's just really pulverized peanuts. The smell was great, and it didn't have a sweet scent really to it at all. The consistency is more like flour.

As you can see, super easy to add in a blender right? I haven't tried this in a shake just yet, but you all know I'll tell you the cold hard truth! A jar of this brand in particular will run you about $8.99. You can find PB2 online for less I'm sure. 

Reflections

Where did this year go?

:Time is a thief, that is never caught:

I really hope that everyone had a good holiday season. With the turn of the year coming up, I can hardly see how next year can't be so promising. It's been a giant wild adventure, my life up until now. Full of so many triumphs, set backs, disappointments, and pick me ups. What people don't understand about me, is the fact that it's taken so many meltdowns in order for me to keep calm in giant moments of crisis. 

I've never really been one to give in, or give up. I don't accept things very easily, because I am a scientist. I was built to ask questions and to find answers. To spend my days questioning, experimenting and pushing the boundaries and limits on all things in life. It's who I am, and the face that I'm an extremely tenacious person sometimes doesn't help. It's ridiculous and fucking foolish for anyone of us to think that our days aren't numbered. They are.

Changing your life, is fucking scary. So scary that it cripples people. I'm not saying to fly by the seat of your pants, but don't sit on the sidelines and watch everyone else play ball. It takes the strongest of wills to change their course, to dare to break cycles. That's what my weight loss and personal transformation is all about. Breaking cycles. It is not one cataclysmic even that brings us into peril. It is the combined events of small obstacles and repetitive behaviors that destroy us. They keep us suffocated, drowning, gasping for air. 

I'm in the process of mentoring people into creating a healthier lifestyle. Whether it be physical health, mental or spiritual. For some odd reason, people gravitate towards me. Complete strangers off sidewalks and in parks reach out to strike up conversation with me. Maybe it's because I have a friendly face, or have good ears for listening, maybe it's because I have something to offer. In a world where struggles and setbacks will literally kick down your door, it's nice to know that you're not alone. 

So no matter what war you're faced with, know that you're not as alone or as incapable as you think you are.

You are what you seek. 

I'm encouraging my readers, my friends, my families to really think about what they want their lives to be. What they would like to achieve, how they'd like to live. Dig deep and find out what you really fucking want, or what you're really fucking worth. Why go through all of these repetitious periods of chaos, when you can LEARN something from it. Repeat offenders are continuous offenders because they didn't learn anything. Take what you can from situations and people, and apply those lessons to your life. Through helping others, you help yourself. Speaking from a woman who was horribly overweight, literally carried the weight of so many others on her shoulders, was completely lost, grasping at straws...it's possible to DEAL. Possible to deal with things in a healthy effective manner. Face those demons, kick their fucking asses and start living your dream of a freer life. A better life.

A healthy mind, and healthy body is something money can't buy. 

Do the work, and I promise you won't regret it.

Holy Mary Mother of...

Fuck, that's good.

Bringing out my inner Deb from Dexter today. So today was the Shakeology test day. To be completely honest, I put off making my shake until after hours at work. I seriously wasn't expecting much of anything. I decided to give the chocolate a try first.

I got all my supplies out. I've read somewhere about adding a banana as peanut butter helps with the taste. My plan of attack was to whip some up with just almond milk and ice. If it tasted like complete and utter shit, I was going to add the banana and peanut butter to help me get the rest of it down. 

I noticed last night when I was squeezing the pouch, that the powder seemed really fine. Finer than what my other protein powder is like. Upon opening the bag, I of course sniffed it. Immediately I was turned off. I literally almost gagged. It smelled like straight up cocoa powder and weirdness. My other powder smells like hot cocoa mix, so this threw me completely off. With some encouragement from my coworkers, I just proceeded to blend it up. I already ordered this, so why the hell not follow through. 

I've read about blending it first, and then adding ice to it. If you use a shaker bottle for ANY protein shake, you'll have the grittiness. So in order to avoid this, blend your shake without ice first. Add your ice in, and keep blending. 

THE MOMENT OF TRUTH:

HOLY SHIT. I'm not even joking, this far exceeded my expectations! I'm legit AMAZED at how good this tastes. The ice and almond milk made it creamy, like a shake. It was about frosty consistency, and a little gritty but not horrible. The taste, is out of this world. It tastes kind of like a chocolate soft serve, but like a dark chocolate flavor. AND NO WHEY AFTER TASTE! I'm really impressed to tell you all the truth. Much to my surprise, I REALLY like it. I'm seriously considering ordering these to change things up. We'll see how the vanilla flavor goes. My track record with the vanilla flavored protein shakes is awful. 

So here's my opinion

For anyone who has past experience with protein shakes, these are definitely worth a try. It has a different flavor and consistency that is more than just tolerable. I've been so skeptical and hesitant to order these, because I feel like all of the reviews are biased and fake. You all should know me by now, I'm anything but fake. The Melting Girl gives REAL HONEST REVIEWS on everything. Even my crazy rants! I'm telling you, I was expecting to be horribly disappointed. 

For those of you who don't have experience with protein shakes, y'all probably will have a hard time honestly. A lot of the online reviews saying Shakeology was disgusting and they were gagging, WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF PROTEIN SHAKES! I had a tough time adjusting to protein shakes in the beginning, I'd love to tell you all you'll grow to enjoy them. You really don't. At least I don't. I will never get used to the taste of whey protein, and that won't ever change. So honestly, it probably does taste like shit for shake virgins. 

I'll let you guys know how the rest of the flavors taste, but I'm really kind of excited about Shakeology now! Who would have though?!

Little boxes

Little boxes

Just keep coming in the mail for me! I got home tonight after work, and discovered a Beach Body stamped box on my doorstep. My Shakeology came in. Although I wasn't jumping for joy (was hoping I'd receive something that sparkles and shines lol), I was still excited it's here...and dreading it.

So the sample box I ordered came equipped with four packets of mix. Two chocolate, one vanilla, and one greenberry. For $19.95 you can order this to test before fully committing to these magic shakes. 

Upon opening, as you can see it's a freaking box inside of a box. So normal, so far. The little note on the side about rate and exotic superfoods is kind of over the top for me, but hey I give them credit for trying to motivate people.

I have to admit, I thought the packets would be a bit bigger. My other shake packets are similar in size though. Basically, it came equipped with an informative book, and the 30 day money back deal. It doesn't really apply to me, since I only got a four day supply really. So you're supposed to drink a shake at least once a day. My shakes are meal replacements, but this one doesn't necessarily have to be a full meal per say I guess. Just as long as you incorporate it into your day pre or post work out is best I've read. 

The directions are just as most shakes are, blend with 8-12oz of cold water, milk, almond milk, soy milk, juice etc. JUICE? weird. Maybe the greenberry is good with apple juice or something. Who knows. Anyway this does contain whey protein, no huge surprise there. I just hope it doesn't taste like shit. 

As you all can see, I'm eating celery sticks for my night snack. So no Shakeology tonight. Wouldn't want nightmares about it, if it turned out to be awful. I'm gearing up to try it out tomorrow at work...wish me luck. And believe me, you all will get a 100% honest opinion from me. To tell you the truth, I'm being a big fat pessimist about these shakes. I'll be amazed if they don't taste like garbage. 

Big Fat Loser.

I've had to put off my appointments with Tali, due to some personal emergencies. It's been a crazy couple of weeks!

I went back to work this week, and was happy to find myself at an 11lbs loss! It's been about three weeks since I started back at my regiment. So, needless to say I'm pretty freaking happy!

With the holidays literally right around the coner, I'm taking his big fat loss as a giant feat! I'm feeling better than ever before, and kicking some serious ass! I'm back to my set goal of another 30lbs loss. I'm confident I can get there by spring.

On top of these changes, I went ahead and ordered the taste sampler of Shakeology on Tuesday. My Shakeology should be arriving next week, either Christmas Eve or the day after Christmas. I'm not going to lie, I'm a wee bit afraid to try it. Too late now. What's there to risk honestly? I only spent like $27 on it, so I'm not going to cry if I don't like it. You guys all know I write honest posts, so I won't sugar coat a damn thing. I'm really hoping that it tastes really amazing, so I can switch up what I'm on now. To be honest, I'll be more disappointed if I have to keep drinking what I'm on. I'm bored and ready to change it up! 

I meet with Tali on the 26th, and I'll report back what happens! I have yet to meet her, and have high expectations! For now, I'm exceptionally and utterly happy I'm a big fat giant loser.

Silk silk silk

What do cows drink?

WATER!

So today I got to experiment with my Silk Almond Milk. All I have to say, is holy shit. I got the vanilla flavored milk and decided to give it a go. I hear everyone talking about almond milk and how it's better for you, and it probably is. I previously did a blog entry about my problems with dairy. It just freaks me out. We as humans are the only animal that drinks another animal's milk. Gross. If you were to put a glass of milk in front of me, and force me to drink it I would projectile vomit. Legit makes me sick. 

I do okay with skim milk, but do better with soy. For whatever reason I've completely zoned out on the fact that whey protein is derived from dairy. That kind of explains a lot. Dairy isn't my favorite thing, I really don't even eat much ice cream. 

Moving forward,

I decided to give the almond milk a go, and whip up a shake tonight. I'm amazed that I haven't used this before! It tasted SO much better than using water! I mixed about 6oz of it with my 100 calorie chocolate protein mix, and threw in some ice. I'm happy to report that the Oster blender was EXACTLY what I wanted and was looking for! Super easy, small, and easy to clean. 

The caps just twist off and you can switch them out. One has the mixing blades, and the other is just a regular top to drink out of. I added way too much ice, so next time I'll cut back. It made the shake way too thick. This was the final product:

It turned out to be more like a frostie, but if you like that consistency that's cool. It was just hard to drink it out of a straw, so I just put the cap back on and drank it normally. I drink things way faster with a straw, so I'd use one when I drank my shakes from before. 

For anyone who hasn't tried blending their shakes, it's a definite must. The whisk bottle method just doesn't do it for me. It's like drinking mud. I feel like the almond milk gave the shake an entirely different taste AND consistency. It's worth a shot! 

I didn't try the almond milk alone, just because I didn't want to freak myself out. If I tried it plain and didn't like it, I'd probably talk myself into thinking the shake was going to be disgusting. Either way, I think this time around I'll definitely see more success. I have 40lbs to melt off to get to my final goal. It seems like a lot, but I put back on about 8lbs in the last 5 months so it set me back a bit. I'm super confident that I can achieve this goal, without too much resistance mentally this time!

I'm not even considering the Shakeology anymore, because the almond milk made that much of a difference in the taste. This is totally tolerable. I'm not over the moon about any protein shake, but I can definitely live with drinking these from now on!