Locked up

More like locked out!

All I have to say is, what the hell was I thinking?! Apparently I wasn't! I was super tired from last night. I stayed at work late to cover a bit, while the night staff had a meeting. No big deal, I wanted to watch Desperate Housewives anyway. It was the final episode ever last night. By the time I would have got home, I definitely would have missed a lot so I'm glad I stayed. 

Being completely exhausted, I stumbled into the house with just enough umph to to hop in my jammies and go to bed. Waking up to my annoying alarm clock was really hard, all I wanted to do was sleep in. Yuck. I got in the shower, changed my clothes and got my things together. I grabbed my bag and my fleece jacket, locked the door and walked out. WAIT...WAIT! YOU'VE GOT TO BE FREAKING KIDDING ME. No keys on me, in fact I could see them through the window. GREAT.

After pounding on the door (like it would open lol), trying to pick the lock with a screwdriver and knife, breaking on of the screens in the window in attempt to open it...I was at a total loss. My mother has DRILLED it into my head to lock like every existing door in my house, so I was majorly fucked until 12:30 when my dad got home from work. I paced around for about ten minutes before I called work and told them what happened. I ALWAYS feel guilty about showing up to work late, or calling in (which I never do). Our schedule was busy and I didn't want to be late! I kicked the door a few more times, thinking that my killer Nike's would magically open up the door and throw my keys at me. I went into the garage and looked around for any keys that I could find. There was a spare I had put in there, and was super pumped to find it! My savior, gee how freaking smart I am! I got into my car and started it. Rumm, rummm. WOULDN'T START. UGH. This key wasn't programmed to start my car, only to open up the doors. MOTHER EFFER. 

It was then when I realized that Marissa was home until the end of the week! YES! Thank God for good friends, because I called and woke her up. She was AWESOME enough to take me to work and pick me up later! She was definitely a life saver. If Marissa never came to get me, I'd be stuck outside for three hours. Everyone wants to make fun of us "young folk" for always having our cell phones on us. Well let me tell you bitches what, if I didn't have my phone with me...talk about being seriously FUBARed. 

I ended up being only 11 minutes late to work, and thankful that one of my bestest friends in the world was home! The rest of the day was kind of a blur. Needless to say, I'll be keeping my keys with my phone from now on! 

Summer is...

smelling like a bon fire before bed.

This weekend was really nice. I didn't particularly want to go out, meaning downtown. My work schedule is super busy, and I don't exactly feel like going home and getting ready to go out all the time. A good friend of mine moved home from California, and I've been meaning to get together with him. Friday night we all met up for a small gathering at a friend's house. We did a bon fire there, and of course launched fireworks. It was really fun! I got to catch up with him and his wife and just chill out. Who doesn't love a good night with a fire, great friends and some awesome conversation? Oh right, and lighting shit on fire that EXPLODES. 

Yeah it wasn't all fun and games. RS decided to toss what "looked" like cardboard into the fire. I smelled sulfur and yelled "DISPERSE, DISPERSE!" and we all ran away from the fire screaming. They weren't huge or anything, just like little rocket fireworks and zig zagged out about ten feet from the pit. Even then as we all ran, RS was just sitting there drinking his beer while fireworks shot through his legs. This is why every Fourth of July, I get slammed with a bunch of patients. Not the smartest thing to do, but whatever we had fun!

Work went by pretty quick and painless this weekend. I didn't really mind going in and doing my thing, but I wasn't much for talking to anyone. Things have been kind of crazy there and I just wanted to read in between doing work. After I got out, I headed over to Shake's for a nice night of porching it. Her parents have a great house and an awesome porch. We all sat around some candles, blankets wrapped around us and country music playing. Marissa was also home, so it was super nice to have both of them home. We hung out and laughed a lot, then all called it a night. No hangover the next day, no insane stories to tell. Just a nice night with some rest and relaxation. 

It's the weekends like these that I live for. No one ever knows how much time they have with the people they care for the most, friends that they trust and love. So you should take advantage of the time you have with each other, while it's still available. 

Decision making

I LOATHE MAKING DECISIONS.

Especially when they involve too many factors, and not a lot of time. I've been faced with making some crucial decisions in the past few years. You'd think I'd be getting better at this, but I'm just not. It's grueling. The sheer thought of perhaps making the wrong decision and being worse off than you were, is enough to slow the process down. Even though getting advice from other people is super nice, only you can make that choice for what's best in your life. BOO. I HATE IT!

Needless to say, I was going to base an important decision on emotion. I didn't have enough time to decide what I was going to do. Only about a day to seriously think. Hien has been telling me over and over again, that I complain about the same things every time I  have a meltdown. Which okay fine, some things are yes repetitive. She advised me to do a pro and con list, which I usually do anyway. There were to many factors on each side to make a clear decision. When in doubt, I had to rely on my gut and decide that making a decision based on new info and emotion was not a good combination. Only time will tell if I made the right one. 

Things are never always perfect in life of course. Some things you can change, and some you just can't. The whole saying, you reap what you sow is right on. Rarely have I ever been let down by listening to my gut. I'm just crossing my fingers and hoping that it was the right one. Either way, I am thankful that I have a job and most everything that I need for now. What matters to me at this point, is my sanity. And that sanity, always comes with a price.

It's gonna be a bumpy ride!

The past few days have been insane...

So I went to my appointment and was sad to find that I gained another pound back. That puts me up to a total of three pounds back. Talk about some serious frustration. Even though I do feel like I've been making progress, this upsets me like no tomorrow. I'm just going to have to work harder in the next week to get back down. I definitely know and have faith in myself that I ABSOLUTELY CAN! Just got to keep puttering along, and keep everything going day by day.

While I was in for my office visit, I chit chatted to Cody about some other things going on. I feel really comfortable talking to her about anything, she's really nice. I've been under a lot of stress lately and it has taken a toll on me completely. Things haven't gotten to me this bad for a while, and I'm looking for ways to deal with it better. Maybe she is right, I should take a spa day and treat myself or something? That always feels so weird to me. On top of it, I started getting back pain this week. 

It's super important to know how to maneuver your body, while working. Although I've been there for a while and know this, I think it's all the lifting and sliding and moving that's catching up with me. For someone my age this is kind of strange, with all things considered maybe not so strange? I AM DEATHLY AFRAID OF THE CHIROPRACTOR.  Has anyone ever gone before? What scares me the most is them working your neck. Like going into spasm after they adjust you OR JERKING YOU HEAD AWAY AS A REFLEX WHILE THEY'RE ADJUSTING YOU...and then of course having your skull pop off of your spine and roll away on the floor. YEAH, you all go ahead and laugh! It's probably worse for me, because I know there is always risk going to them. Some people swear by them, and some curse them. 

Maybe a massage will help me out, it would probably be good to just get my muscles worked on. Either way, if the pain doesn't stop I'll seriously consider going and getting cracked. Sometimes you just got to hold on for the ride...eek!

Short stick

Today wasn't as bad as I thought.

Don't get me wrong, I'm totally tired. I ended up staying awake until about 2:00am and then got up around 8:00am. Yup. My life in a nutshell, insomnia then springing into action for work. This can't really be good for my health right?! 

I was happy to see some familiar faces today! They sent over two techs from the other hospital today, so I had extra buddies. It's been really nice to have time to see them and catch up a bit. I don't feel so alone and isolated when I have people around me that make me comfortable. Staci brought me over some Scooby Snacks that Craig sent her with. My friend Craig loves Scooby Snacks and jelly beans. I brought him and Staci some Sweet Tarts for Easter last time I was there, so he's returning the favor. Super sweet. We weren't really that busy today, and I had plenty of things to get around and do.

We all went out for a walk while our machine was getting a tune up. So we got some exercise in while we were at work, and the weather was pretty nice. I'm still having anxiety over my appointment tomorrow. Cody told me that she'd get Dr. Cusimano in to talk to me tomorrow, so I'm hoping all goes well. I really just think I'm in some kind of a funk. I guess I could attribute part of the weight gain to exercising more. The whole muscle weighs more than fat theory, which is probably true. I've been working really hard on getting back into shape and thinning out, I can't get too upset over having a hiccup I suppose.

You're always your own worst enemy. No one is really harder on me, than myself. It's just something that I'm going to have to try and get over. How exactly are you supposed to get over that? I've dealt with the whole self sabotage thing, and I'm dancing on the other side of it. I guess what I'm trying to say, is that to some degree I feel like I'm always falling short of the big goal. Weird right? It's a terrible way to think, but my next lesson I'm going to have to learn.

Anyway, I'm stuck doing laundry for the rest of the night! Off to my appointment early tomorrow morning! God have mercy on the scale! LOL

Calm before the storm

I couldn't sleep a wink last night.

The sheer horror of another work week, was enough to keep me up all night. We've been going through a lot of changes there, and it's been rough on everyone. My "eagerness" to go to work, has never been like through the roof thrilled of course, but lately I've been feeling kind of blah about it. I don't hate my job, it just stinks to go back after you've enjoyed all your time off!

I didn't do much of anything yesterday. Usually before I go back, I like to wind down the day before. Translation, I usually keep that day all to myself. Netflix has either been a blessing or a serious bad habit! I went to the grocery store and bought some supplies to last me the week. Just a few bags of salad, applesauce and some fruit to bring along in my giant Harry Potter tote. The overwhelming feeling of being one of those "bag ladies" always takes over when I'm walking into work. I can't help it! Sometimes you just need a big bag to bring your survival kit! 

This weekend has been super fun, however I'm dreading to get on the scale. It seems like the past few weeks things haven't been going the way I've wanted them to. Can't always get what you want I suppose, but I'm starting to feel like I'm stuck in a rut. 

Pants on the floor

GRRR.

WHY! I've hit a major bump. These few weeks will literally be the the death of me, unless I can wrap my head around what's going on! I've been taking all of my medications like I should, doing my bars and shakes and I can't get off of this stupid PLATEAU! 

The human body is so weird. Maybe I should listen to Cody more and take the whole water gain by getting your period into consideration. I just can't help but feel like it's an excuse though. That's my own issues revolving around that theory though! It could totally be true, I mean when you get bloated it's probably due to water. Okay so fine, it is a possibility--but not an explanation that I WANT. 

I was super glad to get in lots of exercise in this past weekend. I really need to go to the gym, and switch my membership. I go to Planet Fitness and have the regular white card. I used to have a black card, and got rid of it. At the time no one else wanted to go with me, and I didn't use the tanning booths. They have these red light therapy booths now that supposedly help with your metabolism, and break down cellulite or something crazy. I figured I might as well take a shot at it. What do I have to lose? I hate going to the gym during school session. All the college kids clutter up the gym, and all the machines are taken. Sometimes I stay there so long, that I do like four miles on the treadmill before I can get my hands onto a machine. Freaking ridiculous. ANYWAY, I have to go there to switch my account the membership fee comes out of. Totally been meaning to do that for a while now. 

I'm going to measure myself tomorrow. There's a serious difference in the way my clothes are fitting, and I need to confirm that I'm losing somewhere if not on the scale. I need to take care of a few odds and ends before I go buy myself a new wardrobe! I am in some serious need of scrubs. Everyone can always tell which pocket I put my phone into at work, because my pants slope down on that side. I have the drawstrings pulled as tight as they will go, and it's not cutting it anymore. Scrubs suck. I despise buying them. It's the same way I feel about buying work out clothes. Why do they charge so much for clothes you're just going to get dirty in? Well whatever Thao, they're just expensive so suck it up and accept it! I'm pretty sure that even after writing this blog, I'm going to put off buying new scrubs and clothes for a few more weeks LOL.