Beauty in the EYE of the beholder

Brown eyed girl.

There was a phase that I went through in high school, when I hated my jet black hair. So, like any other rebellious 16 year old---I got it platinum bleached highlights. It seriously was a drastic change. There were literally pieces of platinum blonde streaks all over my head. I remember everyone gasping when I walked into second period Spanish class. I believe the words, "holy shit" was yelled multiple times across the room. It didn't look bad or anything, after a while it turned this skanky brass color but by then I was over it. It's nice to have a change to your look once in a while. I've always been jealous of normal white girls that can dye their hair any color of the rainbow. Jet black Asian hair, is a force to be reckoned with. I blame it on the DNA our mothers gave us, to not defy them (cursing under my breath)...

My eye color is damn near black. I have super dark chocolate brown eyes, and I'm bored with them. My eye sight I feel has gotten a wee worse, even though my optometrist says they're 20/20. MY ASS. That is sooooo not right, so I'm going to a different doctor. I have like three pairs of reading glasses already, so I'm looking into getting colored contacts. The last appointment I went to, they discovered I had astigmatism and a pair of desert dry eyes. We'll see how this pans out.

I had green colored contacts in the past, and although I thought they were gorgeous it apparently freaked some people out. Like I said my eyes are pretty dark, so I should probably get color blends this time. Your eyes make such a big difference and such a subtle one at the same time. Isn't it crazy how we're able to just pick out what color we want our eyes to be now?! I've always been a fan of light blue eyes and dark hair. Something very sexy and exotic about it. What's not to love?!

ARE THESE TOO SUBTLE?

Ok! So I played around a bit on the Freshlook website, and I decided on gray. I think that it brings a subtle pop to my face, similar to the green ones I got. Dark brown eyes are okay sometimes, but a girls gotta have a bit of change to keep herself lookin' fresh---am I right ladies? This will be my next investment. I probably won't wear them everyday, but I'd like to have the option to wear them when I want to.

On another note, my amazing cousin Han is the skin guru. My skin has never been bad (thank you Asian genes!) but I've developed sun spots. You can see two of them in the pic above. They're right in a vertical row. I have other ones, but these drives me crazy. They've been magically appearing on my face like a freaking connect the dots game. When I was little I transformed into a fish during the summer. Literally spending from 8:00am to 6:00pm in the pool. We loved to swim! So much that my sister and I could be mistaken for being little Mexican children, because we were so tan. Although those fun summers in the sun were great, my skin is paying for it now! Han suggested I try the Clinique even better dark spot corrector. I've seen minimal results.  They are getting lighter, but not enough for me. Mom suggested I get them lasered off---which I'm using as a last resort. Han is going to send me some magic stuff for my face, and I hope it works! Because you know...I can't be looking all spotty for her wedding in October!

Speaking of which, I'm super excited for! Han is the first one to get married out of the musketeers. My cousins and I are so close, we are more like sisters than anything else. Even though we all don't talk as much as we should, when we get together it's like time hasn't passed at all. We're still the same girls playing "Sweet Valley High" board games and giggling over boys. I'm hoping to be at my weight goal by the time the wedding rolls around. I have exactly eight months to look my finest! I'm super excited!

I'm off to play more with my eye colors. What do you think of the gray? Too subtle?

Are you preggers?

GAWD.

Why does everyone assume you're pregnant when you say you're nauseous?!

Dr. C upped my dose of Metformin on Wednesday. I'm to take 2 tabs 500mg a piece per day. I take one in the morning and one 12 hours later, so 9 and 9. Remember when I posted how sick I  was?! Well it came back again...

Usually my coworkers can tell when something is bothering me. I don't carry a poker face very well. So when I was cranky and constantly taking deep breaths in they asked. Why is it that every time someone even mentions they are nauseous---people think you're knocked up?! Like no other ailment exists where you might feel nauseous. I  had to have at least eight people ask me today if I was pregnant. DO I LOOK FREAKING PREGNANT TO YOU?! It's the meds talking...lol

My friend Michelle is an RN. I feel bad bombarding her with questions all the time, but she doesn't mind. She's also a diabetic. She's been following my program and what I'm doing so naturally when I upped my dose of Metformin she had some questions for me. Jen from the office told me today that she's using it to treat a metabolic disorder in me. I did some research and increased amounts of insulin in the body, tends to mess with your metabolism. Bingo. If I'm truly not a diabetic, that's the only other reason I can think of for taking it. Michelle covers once in a while in my department and she was there today. She suggested that we test my sugar.

The finger stick meter test is really no big deal, however I definitely could see how pricking your finger multiple times a day can get old. We tested my sugar before I ate and it was at 115. Completely normal. Before eating a meal, glucose should be at 80-120. Two hours after I ate my lunch we did another stick. My sugar was at 120, normal range should be 80-150. I suppose that my glucose is slightly high, but not enough to put me at risk. I'm getting a full panel drawn in two weeks, so we'll see how it looks then. My Tricor seems to agree with me okay I guess. I can't do an easy test for my cholesterol, so I'll just have to be patient and wait.

It's been really encouraging and nice to hear people tell me I look like I'm shrinking! Melllllting, I'm mellllllllting! I'm super pumped to get some new threads. First and foremost scrubs. I've been wearing the same sets for a long time, and they are starting to become baggy parachutes. If MC Hammer was in healthcare, we'd be wearing the same scrubs. Shaking my head lol. I'm planning on going to the city for a shopping extravaganza soon, and I intend for it to be complete and utter retain gluttony. Speaking of which, I'm cooking up another reward for myself. What to do, what to do at my 20lb mark! It's coming up soon people so I need a treat!

Burn baby burn

YAAAAWWWWWN.

This past week off kicked my butt! Must have been between all the planning, travelling, partying and catching up on all my chores when I got home! Work hasn't been too bad this week, just the usual stuff coming in. It's kind of weird. Some weeks I'm totally dreading to go back, but this week I was sort of ready.

Yesterday I didn't have much of an appetite at all. I had a big salad for lunch and had cereal for dinner. I've always had a lactose allergy, but I'm noticing that it's starting to get worse? I'm not quite sure. I usually put skim milk with my cereal, but I used 2% last night. UGH. I was sitting with the guys and I could feel my face getting hot. They asked me if I was embarrassed or something because of the conversation we were having, and I wasn't lol. Right after I said no my face really felt like it was on fire. Greeeeaaat. Thanks to my milk and cereal dinner I was walking around work looking like I had a sunburn in winter weather. 

I survived pretty much on soy milk as a kid. Most people cringe at just the thought of it, but I like it. Mihai insists that it doesn't do anything for you because he claims there is no soy boob. well duh, must be some kind of Romanian humor. But really, if you think about it humans are the only animals who drink ANOTHER animal's milk. That kind of grosses me out...actually it really grosses me out. I'm hoping that my allergy doesn't get worse, but you never know with these things. People just magically become allergic to all kinds of things. I wonder if food related allergies develop because of all the crap we put into it...probably.

Anyway, I didn't get to post last night because I was seriously tired. If you all have noticed, I've been posting multiples during different days so I can get them all in lol. I hope all my readers out there are getting some kind of kick from my posts. After all, I am hilarious...

:D

First weigh in of 2012!

Woot woot!

So I got up this morning only to find that it was literally 1 degree outside. WOOF. I drive a 5 speed manual, so naturally I cursed myself out this morning for not buying an automatic. I have love for driving 5 speed. Living in the suburbs definitely helps a lot, you wouldn't catch me dead driving one in a busy city. It's just a pain in the ass having to stop and shift all the time. Luckily we haven't gotten much snow, but generally speaking I like the way it handles in it. 

Driving on the way to my appointment, it didn't even occur to me this was my first weigh in of the year! Yippy skippy! I waited patiently for my turn to be called back. I was super excited when I got on the scale. I lost 3lbs this week! I'm still kind of amazed considering I've not only survived the holidays, but I'm officially 13lbs down and on my way to 15! 

Dr. Cusimano told me how proud of me she was today, and it made me feel good. Her program is not easy and is definitely not for everyone. I've been seriously grateful that I've found her and she's been such an amazing doctor. She increased my dose of Metformin to two tabs of 500mg. My friends who are diabetics, are actually on the same dose as me. Which always makes me wonder, if I really am a diabetic and she's not telling me or she's using it purely to help me lose weight? I guess I should have asked her when I was in the office today...

My next office visit, I'm hoping to have lost another 2lbs to get to me a running total of 15lbs melted away! I get another set of labs taken in 3 weeks, so we'll see if the Metformin and Tricor are working. Wish me luck! :-)

The ride home

I do a lot of thinking while I'm on the road.

I spent most of yesterday pretty much just relaxing and putting around. It was my last day to recover before I headed back to work for another rotation. I'm finding my mind isn't firing as quickly as it used to. Could it have been the crazy weekend before, or just because I need to clear some other smut out?

Changes are not easy. Being the change you want to see in others, kind of starts with YOU hello. I've been giving out a lot of advice lately. Not that I'm steering anyone in the wrong direction, but I'm finding that the best advice comes from personal experience. People who look at things from the outside and don't really know how it feels to go through something...I'm not so convinced on if you're giving me a load of crap or not. It's a big pet peeve of mine when people jump all over my ass about decisions I make. I'm not 15 years old anymore. It's all about trusting ME and what I KNOW AND FEEL. I never want any of my friends to be ashamed about something where they can't talk to me about things that go on. I've been in those shoes, and let me tell you--it fucking hurts.

I understand that it probably comes from a good place, but why is it necessary to make me feel like shit? Because some of the people in my life, that's exactly what they do! Which infuriates me even more--to the point where I don't want to talk to them. I hope that if I get like that, my friends would have the guts to tell me to back off. Because that's exactly what I'm going to start doing.

We've all made mistakes. Particularly in relationship scenarios. It's hard to keep a level head. I've confided in others and bitched about boyfriends and things they've done---which in return makes them believe he was an asshole. I barely told them about the good times, and how he made me feel like I could do anything--he changed my world. I've been caught twice now with friends in similar situations. One of which ended up getting back together with her boyfriend and is now her husband. Another good friend of mine was going through lots with her boyfriend and they took a break/broke up temporarily. I made a point to tell her that even though I didn't think it was a good idea, I wouldn't be upset with her and tell her she was stupid if she got back together with him. You gotta do what you think is right. Who am I to judge how you feel. Long story short, she did--but they broke up a few months after. My objective as being a supportive friend is to let my friends grow. It is not my job to be the relationship police, nor is it anyone else's.

So next time your friend complains to you and needs to vent about a rotten situation in a relationship, keep your ears and your heart open. You don't have to support any one's "bad decision" because in their eyes it may not seem that way.

"The key is to get to know people and trust them to be who they are. Instead, we trust people to be who want them to be--and when they're not, we cry."

Resolutions

I kind of think these are retarded.

Everyone seems to make resolutions at the turn of each year. WHY?! I guess it makes sense to start the year off with a "clean" slate but wtf. Why don't people just make resolutions all the time? Like stop being a douche, or care about yourself more? Ha!

I stated a couple posts ago about my "resolutions". The going trend seems to be is be more selfish. Being selfish, is not a bad thing at all. I totally get that. I've finally reached a point in my life where I had to give a shit about myself, because the god's honest truth is---if I didn't THE WHO WOULD?! My journey with this weight loss program is more than getting skinny. 

"Girl don't you know skinny don't fix crazy?!"

Another great quote from my Texan friend Dustin. We were obviously talking about someone else, because pfsh, I ain't crazy lol. It's more than that. I've finally found a doctor who literally gives a rats ass about me and why I've been having so many problems. I may not have been the healthiest eater before, but I worked my ass off at the gym (still do) and it didn't explain why I felt so bad physically. I now have the tools that I need to be healthy, and baby I'm doing a kick ass job if I do say so myself.

It's been a rocky road for me, getting to the point of loving and caring about myself. It's hard to look in the mirror and honestly say that you really like the person you see. How many of you know what I'm talking about? I hadn't realized how people viewed me in reality. I've always been conscious and ashamed about the way I look. If you saw the girls I'm friends with, it wouldn't be hard to see my point. Last week when I was at Nikki's Christmas party, a friend of mine Tony P. and I got talking. We weren't really friends in high school, but we knew each other. We got talking in the kitchen.

"So Thao, we've ran into each other at two parties now and I feel like we should like talk and get reacquainted again."

"Yeah definitely, it's really nice to see you and catch up!"

"How is it that we never really talked to each other in school?!"

"I don't think we had classes with each other, not that I can remember anyway."

"Well I mean I was invisible in high school and you were like famous."

"WHAT?! I was not famous!"

"To me and a lot of people you were. You were always nice to everyone, and everyone seemed to love you. Everyone wanted to know you, you always were happy and I always heard such great stories about you. There was just something about you that made people seem to change around you, for the better."

As sweet as that conversation was, it made me want to cry. I am proud of myself for exhibiting non mean girl behavior lol. I don't feel like I was really  mean to anyone, and I certainly never saw myself as famous wtf. . My goal for my senior year, was to hang out and party with every clique in our class--and yes I achieved it. And let me tell you...you think the popular kids were crazy party animals--you have no idea! It was so nice for him to tell me that. All this time I've been worried about peoples views on me. That all they saw was the token fat Asian girl of the group. She was cute, but not pretty enough to score a great looking boyfriend and too in with the guys for them to consider her a girl. I'd be a big fat liar if I told you I was completely over feeling like that...

This weekend it was really nice to have everyone tell me I looked good. I've blogged previously about how I seem to self sabotage after they tell me--but I DIDN'T! After I got home, I immediately weighed myself on the scale with all of  my clothes on no less---and I weighed as much as I did when I left! This is a HUGE feat because I know my clothes had to weigh at least 2-3lbs easy. I didn't do myself in! YES! 

We all had really great resolutions this year. Eddie decided his was to be more phunky, I love that! Marissa is going to save more money, which is never a bad idea. But most of us decided to just do you this year. Take care of ourselves, in every way we can. I guess why I think resolutions are kind of ridic, is because we should ALWAYS want to take care of ourselves. I'm guilty not doing it, just like everyone else...but I'm changing. I'm on my way to being a better me, and I want the same for everyone.

We should make promises to ourselves often,

to be happy, to make the best of things and to be better to yourself.

Happy New Year!

Do you know what today is?!

one-two-one two! 

lol

First post of the new year and I'm feeling great! This weekend definitely will stay in my memory for a long time. I had so much fun! More fun than I've had in weeks! I know I seem to say that a lot, but this really topped the cake!

I'm not going to lie. Planning travel was a complete bitch. Car pooling is definitely the way to go. We all had the idea to pretty much caravan up there, which didn't really work out but it wasn't detrimental. I have serious issues with leaving people stranded. I'll be the first one to admit, I'm a control freak. I despise being at the mercy of someone else, especially when it comes to driving situations. I'm a super duper planner, very rarely do I fly by the seat of my pants. So when you're talking 16 people needing to get there, and get home at different times I think you all can see my frustration. Anyway, I was able to manage rides for everyone to ensure everyone got there and back safe. Thank you to Nikki, Jeff, Laura and Jake who helped out a lot! 

Once we got there, it was time to get situated and ready for the part. We were the first to arrive there, which I'm glad because it gave us time to relax before the outrageous events that went on that night. Before we entirely hit the road, we stopped at WalMart to grab supplies. I volunteered to take care of breakfast, and the boys needed to get beer. Apparently, everyone did the same thing before they left. We ended up with 18 bottles of champagne (literally a bottle for each person, and then some), three 30 racks of beer (like 90 beers), 12 six packs of beer, an obnoxious amount of straight liquors...holy shit. Disgusting lol. 

*

I know what you're thinking. You're not supposed to drink Thao! Well, everyone cheats. It's a freaking fact of life. I'd be a complete SHAM to blogging if I didn't tell you the truth. I'm just as human as everyone else is. To my defense, I RARELY ever drink so this was a night was a surprise I think to everyone to finally see me drunk. I'm not going into great detail about how much we all drank but it was complete and utter debauchery. I don't get sloppy, and no I didn't throw up lol. It was a great night, a night I'll remember for a long time. I couldn't have asked for better friends to ring in the new year with. It was all a matter of the right people, at the right time, all together celebrating life. 

I got legit like 2-3 hours of sleep before I decided to get my lazy butt up. Everyone seemed to follow suit, and who doesn't love waking up to the smell of breakfast being made?! I was a complete nut job in the morning. I went into "mom" mode and made everyone help me. I'm pretty sure they all were hung over and pissed about it but I didn't care. LOL I figured if I'm up, all you bitches better be up too! We pretty much slunked the entire rest of the day, and everyone slowly got ready to go home.

It's bittersweet anytime you see your friends off. No matter how close or far away they are. This weekend really made me sentimental. If things can be that good, then why aren't they like this all the time? I've come to realize that my life is more than just being a programmed robot. The experiences and the people I choose to keep around, is what I'm really made of. I am forever grateful for my friends. I've been blessed to have earned each and everyone's friendship, love and respect. 

This year couldn't have started any better!

I love you guys!