Resolutions

I kind of think these are retarded.

Everyone seems to make resolutions at the turn of each year. WHY?! I guess it makes sense to start the year off with a "clean" slate but wtf. Why don't people just make resolutions all the time? Like stop being a douche, or care about yourself more? Ha!

I stated a couple posts ago about my "resolutions". The going trend seems to be is be more selfish. Being selfish, is not a bad thing at all. I totally get that. I've finally reached a point in my life where I had to give a shit about myself, because the god's honest truth is---if I didn't THE WHO WOULD?! My journey with this weight loss program is more than getting skinny. 

"Girl don't you know skinny don't fix crazy?!"

Another great quote from my Texan friend Dustin. We were obviously talking about someone else, because pfsh, I ain't crazy lol. It's more than that. I've finally found a doctor who literally gives a rats ass about me and why I've been having so many problems. I may not have been the healthiest eater before, but I worked my ass off at the gym (still do) and it didn't explain why I felt so bad physically. I now have the tools that I need to be healthy, and baby I'm doing a kick ass job if I do say so myself.

It's been a rocky road for me, getting to the point of loving and caring about myself. It's hard to look in the mirror and honestly say that you really like the person you see. How many of you know what I'm talking about? I hadn't realized how people viewed me in reality. I've always been conscious and ashamed about the way I look. If you saw the girls I'm friends with, it wouldn't be hard to see my point. Last week when I was at Nikki's Christmas party, a friend of mine Tony P. and I got talking. We weren't really friends in high school, but we knew each other. We got talking in the kitchen.

"So Thao, we've ran into each other at two parties now and I feel like we should like talk and get reacquainted again."

"Yeah definitely, it's really nice to see you and catch up!"

"How is it that we never really talked to each other in school?!"

"I don't think we had classes with each other, not that I can remember anyway."

"Well I mean I was invisible in high school and you were like famous."

"WHAT?! I was not famous!"

"To me and a lot of people you were. You were always nice to everyone, and everyone seemed to love you. Everyone wanted to know you, you always were happy and I always heard such great stories about you. There was just something about you that made people seem to change around you, for the better."

As sweet as that conversation was, it made me want to cry. I am proud of myself for exhibiting non mean girl behavior lol. I don't feel like I was really  mean to anyone, and I certainly never saw myself as famous wtf. . My goal for my senior year, was to hang out and party with every clique in our class--and yes I achieved it. And let me tell you...you think the popular kids were crazy party animals--you have no idea! It was so nice for him to tell me that. All this time I've been worried about peoples views on me. That all they saw was the token fat Asian girl of the group. She was cute, but not pretty enough to score a great looking boyfriend and too in with the guys for them to consider her a girl. I'd be a big fat liar if I told you I was completely over feeling like that...

This weekend it was really nice to have everyone tell me I looked good. I've blogged previously about how I seem to self sabotage after they tell me--but I DIDN'T! After I got home, I immediately weighed myself on the scale with all of  my clothes on no less---and I weighed as much as I did when I left! This is a HUGE feat because I know my clothes had to weigh at least 2-3lbs easy. I didn't do myself in! YES! 

We all had really great resolutions this year. Eddie decided his was to be more phunky, I love that! Marissa is going to save more money, which is never a bad idea. But most of us decided to just do you this year. Take care of ourselves, in every way we can. I guess why I think resolutions are kind of ridic, is because we should ALWAYS want to take care of ourselves. I'm guilty not doing it, just like everyone else...but I'm changing. I'm on my way to being a better me, and I want the same for everyone.

We should make promises to ourselves often,

to be happy, to make the best of things and to be better to yourself.