Normalcy

It's weird to not be in so much pain today...

My abdominal pain is slowly subsiding. Actually I haven't been in much pain at all! Isn't it so strange when your pain magically disappears?! Not that I'm complaining or anything, but it's like poof---finito, gone! Thank you lord, because it was so bad I thought I should be writing out my will! Okay, maybe not that dramatic but still ;-) I've been puttering around the house most of the day, until my lovely mother decided to send me to run errands for her. Like I've said in several entries, my mom drives me crazy. I don't think she wants to do anything...but shop and talk on the phone to my aunties and her friends. LOL how did this happen?! When our roles became reversed?! Signs I am getting old! 

Tomorrow I'm finally getting my taxes done, yay! Originally I wanted to save my tax return to buy airline tickets for Han's wedding, but now I'm thinking I might just use it to pay off my Visa entirely or not. I'll have to see how much I get back and then go from there. Last year I didn't get much from the state, I won $1,000 playing BINGO at a casino in Syracuse. I almost literally had a heart attack. But because of my big winnings, the state penalized me thus not as much back in my state return. Not a big deal though. I despise having debt. It's not a lot of debt really just my credit card and car payment. I'm striving to double up on payments to knock out my car. My plans are aiming to get a clean start again. With this whole program, getting healthy and fit, paying off everything would line me up pretty well to start my life somewhere new and different. Where? I'm not completely sure yet, but it's always been in the back of my mind.

I'm heading to Rene's for my tax appointment tomorrow, then going over to the hospital to get my lab work done. I'm hoping that it comes back better than the last time. It's been improving quite well, and with this set of lab work I'm going to find out if the Tricor is working on my cholesterol or not. I also need to submit my lab values for my health insurance, and I'm sure as hell going to try and fight getting another health coach. We'll see how that all goes.

Courtesy of Rhonda! I'm laughing so hard! I love my Downton Abbey Valentines haha!

With Valentine's Day coming up and everything, I'm not really feeling like depressed or anything. I think I'll be my own Valentine this year, after all---I'm being extremely good to myself anyway! Oh and I just totally looked at the Target weekly add, guess what they're promoting this week! YES GLORIOUS DAY! NINTENDO 3DS $169.99! I'm not too sure I'll splurge and get it just yet, I have a hefty car insurance payment this month BUT it makes me happy to see it in the add all the same!

On track, I think...

just don't know which one!

I've been a big fat cheater. I haven't been sticking to my regiment very well at all. This week I have my appointment with Dr. Cusimano and I need to get labs redrawn to see if the Tricor is working or not. Do you know how ridiculous taking my vitamins every day is?! I take like a container full in the morning with the rest of my pills. I have become a pill popper. It's disgusting lol.

For some lazy ass reason, I haven't been taking my vitamins like I should. I left my container at work in my locker, so apparently in my mind it constituted me not to have to take them at all on my week off! I REALLY need to get on this, because it'll throw off the rest of my lab work. It just still kind of worries me about it. B12 turns your urine neon yellow, but it also makes me just think I'm peeing excess vitamins out. Which is probably true to some extent. I feel better after I get my shots at the office, and that way I'm ensured to have vitamins in my system. 

I'm hoping to have lost the weight I put back on. My running total of weight gain has been four pounds. Hoping to have lost at least two of them if not more by Wednesday. I have an early morning appointment before work, so that's cool I guess. It'll set the bar if I'm having a good day or not. These weekly meetings are definitely keeping me in check. I can see why her patients need to come back on such a regular basis. There's too much temptation to deviate from the program if you don't go on a weekly basis. I haven't seen Jen at the office in a while, and I'm hoping that she didn't leave. I really liked her as one of my nurses, and I haven't made up my mind about the new one. I like that Cody and Jen both are young women around the same age as me. They both have been on the program and can directly relate to things. I can appreciate and trust people more if they've been through similar things I have, I mean isn't that how everyone is?

So my health insurance has this stupid wellness program incentive. In order to get a smaller premium on our insurance, it requires us to take part in this thing. It is a total joke. I went along with it just because what did I have to lose?! It's about $15 less a month for insurance and as long as you're in good health, you don't need a health coach. My old health coach Mary was awesome. She was young in age and we talked about a lot of things. How to cope with stress and weight loss and other stuff. Basically in order to take part in the wellness program you need to have biometric testing done. This included getting labs drawn and evaluated, weight, height and BMI measurements and other stupid tests. It puts you graphed out on a scale, and if you fall into the "unhealthy" range you're pretty much fucked. After they have determined you in need of life style coaching, you are paired up with a coach who calls you EVERY WEEK and talks to you about lame ass shit. The whole thing is such a farse. Like seriously? I could lie through my teeth to these people about what I'm doing and I'm following all of these stupid modules they give you. YEAH modules, meaning you have to do homework for this crap. What doesn't make any sense to me at all is, once you're on this thing they don't require you to have any additional tests done to see if you're improving...

This is what kills me. Blue Cross Blue Shield gives you a sign on for this wellness program. So you go through and after you do all this crap with your doctor, you have to do a survey online. It asks you questions about how many times you exercise, how many times you eat out, your stress level and if you've had any deaths in the past year and how many. Apparently it scaled me as "SUICIDAL" because I had more than two deaths of people I knew in a year's span. HOW THE HELL DOES THAT MAKE ME SUICIDAL?! It said I was at risk for falling into a great depression and not being able to come out of it, risk of being an alcoholic, drug addict, I was at risk for a whole bunch of other crap too but that suicidal one topped the cake! I mean what! Maybe I just know a lot of old people who die, or other people that have had recent tragedies in their lives! Talk about judging. 

I'm probably going to fall into the category of health risk and they'll assign me a coach again. I'm going to try and get out of it, because the help I'm getting at Dr. Cusimano's is more than I'll ever get from that ridiculous wellness program. We'll see how things pan out. After getting my lab work and stuff done this week, I'll have to find out when she's going to draw again. If it's before March, then I'll just wait to use those labs. Maybe they can save me from needed to participate in this crap. Speaking of health insurance shit, I work in healthcare and I always wonder WHY my insurance is so shitty. My dad works in a factory and gets better benefits than I do! Whatever, it's all about money money money in healthcare. They can't get money out of the government from Medicaid patients, so they have to find other ways to milk money right out of their employees. FRUSTRATING! I don't usually get into politics on here, but I hope Obama seriously can fix this healthcare issue. He's been getting beaten to a freaking pulp ever since he's been in office. Considering the shape it was in when he took it, I think he's doing extremely well. I'm rooting for him again in this next election, I just have to hope that the rest of America can get someone worthy of being our President in. Maybe putting my faith in the rest of America is dangerous, after all it's only our fault Bush ran two terms. Ew.

Anyway...my appetite hasn't been incredibly outrageous or anything. I haven't really been that super hungry at all. But when I do get hungry, I probably shouldn't snack on the crap that I do! I'm getting back on track, I have to. October is a long shot away, but I really want to look amazing for Han's wedding.. I want to look really good by summer too! Hopefully this will be the first summer in a long time where I'm not too self conscious about wearing shorts or a bathing suit in front of my friends. I'm getting there, Robb says I look smaller every time I see him and I know he wouldn't lie to me about it. I just got my W2 finally in the mail, so I'm going to be busy making my tax appointment with my financial advisor, getting onto the 20lb mark and patiently waiting until I can buy my Nintendo 3DS!

Well hello there Miss Cranky Pants!

And by saying this, I do mean myself.

When will this nausea ever end?! I rolled into work today pretty much running to the bathroom after I punched in. Anticipating I was going to throw up a rainbow into the porcelain pee hold, I was sadly mistaken. GRRRR. I just sat there crouched on the floor holding my hair back. Dry heaves will be the death of me.

It's been suggested to me to maybe get my meds switched. I'm stubborn, and prefer to stick it out and wait a few more weeks. Mixing around with too many medications is never a good idea. Maybe I'm just being a baby about this whole thing. The nausea only seems to last for about the first two hours. Usually I eat a protein bar or fruit with it, and ya know what?! I'm going to say eff that and eat a piece of toast instead. 

Does this magically happen to anyone else or just me? Whenever I'm not feeling well, everyone needs to ask me a million questions about this that and the other thing!? Apparently some people don't know how to tell, I'm not really into listening or answering their questions right away--go ask someone else! I was visibly pissed today at work, and I really don't like to be. Because A it looks bad and B I don't need people talking more shit than they already do! So maybe eating a normal breakfast will be a good idea. 

I've got some serious decisions to make concerning work. There have been some different openings, but I'm still on the fence. I REALLY REALLY LOVE MY SCHEDULE! It's against hospital policy to say anything negative about the company online via blog, facebook, whatever so I won't even go there. Should I sacrifice working a great schedule with the usual pisses and moans about it, or transfer to a different position with a CRAP shift I've worked before and despised it--at risk of starting at a new facility where I may or may not like it?! Ugh, I don't know. Looks like I'm going to have to make a pros and cons list--kind of hard to do when there are ZIP ZILTCH for details on this new place.

What's a girl to do, what to do? Guess for now, I'm going to have to keep on keepin' on and see how things pan out. What would any of you do? GAHHHH I don't know!

Are you preggers?

GAWD.

Why does everyone assume you're pregnant when you say you're nauseous?!

Dr. C upped my dose of Metformin on Wednesday. I'm to take 2 tabs 500mg a piece per day. I take one in the morning and one 12 hours later, so 9 and 9. Remember when I posted how sick I  was?! Well it came back again...

Usually my coworkers can tell when something is bothering me. I don't carry a poker face very well. So when I was cranky and constantly taking deep breaths in they asked. Why is it that every time someone even mentions they are nauseous---people think you're knocked up?! Like no other ailment exists where you might feel nauseous. I  had to have at least eight people ask me today if I was pregnant. DO I LOOK FREAKING PREGNANT TO YOU?! It's the meds talking...lol

My friend Michelle is an RN. I feel bad bombarding her with questions all the time, but she doesn't mind. She's also a diabetic. She's been following my program and what I'm doing so naturally when I upped my dose of Metformin she had some questions for me. Jen from the office told me today that she's using it to treat a metabolic disorder in me. I did some research and increased amounts of insulin in the body, tends to mess with your metabolism. Bingo. If I'm truly not a diabetic, that's the only other reason I can think of for taking it. Michelle covers once in a while in my department and she was there today. She suggested that we test my sugar.

The finger stick meter test is really no big deal, however I definitely could see how pricking your finger multiple times a day can get old. We tested my sugar before I ate and it was at 115. Completely normal. Before eating a meal, glucose should be at 80-120. Two hours after I ate my lunch we did another stick. My sugar was at 120, normal range should be 80-150. I suppose that my glucose is slightly high, but not enough to put me at risk. I'm getting a full panel drawn in two weeks, so we'll see how it looks then. My Tricor seems to agree with me okay I guess. I can't do an easy test for my cholesterol, so I'll just have to be patient and wait.

It's been really encouraging and nice to hear people tell me I look like I'm shrinking! Melllllting, I'm mellllllllting! I'm super pumped to get some new threads. First and foremost scrubs. I've been wearing the same sets for a long time, and they are starting to become baggy parachutes. If MC Hammer was in healthcare, we'd be wearing the same scrubs. Shaking my head lol. I'm planning on going to the city for a shopping extravaganza soon, and I intend for it to be complete and utter retain gluttony. Speaking of which, I'm cooking up another reward for myself. What to do, what to do at my 20lb mark! It's coming up soon people so I need a treat!

First weigh in of 2012!

Woot woot!

So I got up this morning only to find that it was literally 1 degree outside. WOOF. I drive a 5 speed manual, so naturally I cursed myself out this morning for not buying an automatic. I have love for driving 5 speed. Living in the suburbs definitely helps a lot, you wouldn't catch me dead driving one in a busy city. It's just a pain in the ass having to stop and shift all the time. Luckily we haven't gotten much snow, but generally speaking I like the way it handles in it. 

Driving on the way to my appointment, it didn't even occur to me this was my first weigh in of the year! Yippy skippy! I waited patiently for my turn to be called back. I was super excited when I got on the scale. I lost 3lbs this week! I'm still kind of amazed considering I've not only survived the holidays, but I'm officially 13lbs down and on my way to 15! 

Dr. Cusimano told me how proud of me she was today, and it made me feel good. Her program is not easy and is definitely not for everyone. I've been seriously grateful that I've found her and she's been such an amazing doctor. She increased my dose of Metformin to two tabs of 500mg. My friends who are diabetics, are actually on the same dose as me. Which always makes me wonder, if I really am a diabetic and she's not telling me or she's using it purely to help me lose weight? I guess I should have asked her when I was in the office today...

My next office visit, I'm hoping to have lost another 2lbs to get to me a running total of 15lbs melted away! I get another set of labs taken in 3 weeks, so we'll see if the Metformin and Tricor are working. Wish me luck! :-)

Let's not do that again...

No more drinking for me, for a while.

So, I went out with a bunch of my friends Thursday night. It was so great to see everyone again! People were in from all over the US that had moved away, bright shiny smiling happy pappy faces! I do love seeing all my friends from High School. It's really crazy because even though everyone is older, we all seem to agree that we feel like nothing has changed at all

My nausea was still present with me today when I took my meds. It seems to only last a few hours in the morning, with or without food. I still don't feel like I'm that hungry anymore. I'm still doing my shakes and eating my protein bars. They're filling me up just fine.

Anxious to get out of work, I quick changed my clothes and was running to the time clock. Marissa came home from Italy and this was the first time I was going to see her! We spent like the first 40 seconds screaming and jumping up and down, like any other besties would do! There were so many others I was so happy to see while I was there. I decided to try and have a beer, which didn't work out so great. 

I have been accused of nursing my drinks, which I have no shame in doing. I don't like being out of control, I have issues. I don't like being at the mercy of someone else. The whole idea of being wasted and not knowing how I got home, or remembering things properly freaks me out. I've been over the whole black out drunk phase. I don't care if anyone else does it, I always tell my friends they don't have to explain anything to me--concerning their drinking habits or occasional reefer smokeage. As far as drugs are concerned, of course I'm going to try and deter you from using, but if you still do--keep that shit away from me!

It wasn't even half gone when I started feeling REALLY sick. I felt like I drank a whole CASE of beer! UGH. It was so bad, that I seriously don't think I'll be drinking for a long while. I really shouldn't anyway, but sometimes I cheat and do it. Not good, not good. No one really gives me crap about it either. They all pretty much respect my decisions to drink or not drink. I've been told drinking long after I take my Metformin is ok, but I'm still scared.

I'm not that sad over it really, just don't ever want to feel like nauseous grossness like that again! WOOF!

RRRRRAAAAALLLF.

As in nauseous and I want to throw up!

I began taking my medication after my appointment on Wednesday. At first I didn't feel anything funny, I read the label correctly and took it a half hour before I ate anything. As luck would have it, we were busy and I didn't have a chance to eat my protein bar until noon.

Dr. Cusimano has me on 500mg of Metformin, and I am to take 1 pill a day. Usually it's supposed to be taken 2x/day, but it could cause stomach pain and she didn't want me to over do it. I thought of stomach pain, as more of like a stomach ache. Well it isn't. It's more like dull aches around your abdomen. I began getting super nauseous that day and felt like dry heaving. 

I talked to my friend John at work about it. He's a diabetic and on Metformin and we came to the conclusion it was the Tricor. He was on Tricor for his cholesterol also, took it for a week and couldn't do it anymore. Apparently most cholesterol medications make you feel sick. It's one of those types of meds where if you start, you should try to avoid at all costs missing a dose. I'm still new to these, I've never really had to be medicated for anything before. I'm hoping that this all works.

I haven't had much of a appetite at all, not sure if that's a good or bad thing! It's just kind of hard to want to eat anything when you feel like ralfing.

Wednesday weigh in

Another weigh in!

Here we are playing the catch up game again! Lots to tell about my weigh in. So first off, I ended up gaining 1lb back. Blah. Whatever, no big deal. I'm not going to let it get me down.

Dr. Cusimano went over my lab work with me and I found out some new things. My HDL levels (which is the good cholesterol) went up, so that's fabulous. My LDL levels (lousy cholesterol) stayed exactly that...lousy. After gathering all of my labs over the past few weeks and comparing them, she came to the conclusion that this is genetic. My dad has high cholesterol as well, so there you have it. My trigylcerides were still also high. They should be around 150-200 and mine are on the edge of 300. 

She went thought this whole explanation about insulin production and out put. Because all of my other labs came back with big improvements, yet again she concluded that his was genetic. My aunt and uncle have diabetes, and I am doing everything I can go avoid it. Although she did inform me I'm NOT a diabetic, I could develop it in 5 years if I did nothing about it. Thank god I started going to her. She goes through all of my medical history very thoroughly, which my primary doctor does not do. I met a woman at the hospital who started going to Dr. Cusimano and began the program as a diabetic. She is now off of her diabetes medications and has lost over 100lbs. Super boost of confidence.

Needless to say, she prescribed me medication. I'm taking Tricor to regulate my cholesterol, and she also put me on Metformin. Metformin is a drug that is used to treat diabetes, polycystic ovarian disease and other conditions. Wait, what?! I thought you said I WASN'T a diabetic! That's right, I'm not. She has me starting Metformin to regulate my insulin. I read online that people also use it as a form of appetite suppressant. Your body released insulin to break down sugars in your body. Apparently with excess insulin in your blood stream, hunger is associated with it. We'll see how it works out!

Nurse visit this Wednesday. I'll keep you posted!