Grass roots

Sometimes you just have to get back home.

This past weekend, was kind of weird. The girls and I made plans to go hiking. The summer is coming down to an end, and it breaks my heart. Good thing we decided to go on a nature adventure on one of the last beautiful summer days we had left! 

Whenever I work out or get exercise, I get real quiet. I'm just trying to focus and I just kind of get into the zone where I tune everything out. Neil took us on an adventure to just go and sweat all of our troubles out. It hasn't really rained a lot so the falls were dried up, and it was real sad for me. I'm not used to seeing the area so dry before. Either way, there were lots of people that had the same idea we did. I'm used to having to haul ass up hills and climb over shit that scares me, but this trip was easy breezy. It was only probably a little over a mile out, and we hung out and walked back. There was a small amount of water we climbed through, but even at that--it was really cool to see what the bottom of the gorge looked like.

I kind of kept giggling to myself, because Marissa kept asking me if I was okay. She said it seemed like I was upset or mad, which I totally wasn't. Like I said, I just get in the zone and try to take it all in. There's something really refreshing about being in the outdoors. Being surrounded by everything nature has literally created. There's something about it that makes you dig your heels into the ground just a little firmer, and it cleanses your soul. That's what it does for me anyway. I don't particularly camp in tents all too often, but I do enjoy being outside and exploring. 

We all had a lot of fun being outside and such. We spent the rest of the weekend all together, having a good time. I was super tired the whole time I was there. I haven't been able to get much sleep, and haven't been much for company. Many apologies to my friends, I've been distant and I'm not sure how much longer I'll be in that mode for. The things you seem to suppress deep down, so you can function daily have a way of catching up with you. To speak on here of having so much loss seems to have not much worth to me. I can't possibly describe what the past few years have done to me, and it is extremely personal. Someday we'll all get to a point in our lives where we can figure it out. Clean out the skeletons for good. God only knows, how desperately I've been trying to do that. And I think I may just be getting the hang of doing it. just maybe. 

We posted pictures along the way, and I just got done uploading all my pictures from my camera. It still seems odd to me, that the girl in the photos is actually ME! Isn't that strange? Do you ever stop and sit sometimes and wonder how other people see you physically? I mean, you know what you look like--but I often wonder how other people see me. When I think about that, I assume people see the pudgy girl with the pretty face. The girl that no one really took any interest in. She was just labeled as "good people". What if some people don't see me like that? What happens if people see me as something amazing, something different? Not the pudgy girl with the pretty face, the melting girl with a heart of gold? Hmm...I wonder.

             

These are a few of the pics from this weekend. The one on the left cracks me up every time lol. I bought some ribbed tank tops from Target the other day, and threw one on to go hiking in. Nikki pointed out it was probably long enough to pull down past my shorts, and it totally was! The picture of us on the right has to be one of my favorites! Not only does it scream 'Murica! but I think it has shown a lot of my progress. When Marissa posted this online, I got a lot of compliments. I didn't see how I'd significantly changed until I got home and looked at it on a computer. My first reaction when I saw it, was I must have been standing at a good angle. It's hard not to talk myself out of actual realness I guess you could say. I've never been one to really boast about things in my life anyway. Another habit I'm going to have to kick. Learn how to take compliments and to believe in them.