Reason or Season

Lately I've been thinking about a lot of things. Am I really happy? Because there's a big difference between being happy and content while skating by. If the goals I set in my life are fulfilling to me; and if they aren't, why? Why is it so easy to pick out all the wrongs and rights in everyone else's lives, but not in your own? 

I am a super organized planner, thanks to my mother. I have a need to be organized, I crave it. When I started college, I had big plans for my career. Having a job and stability is the goal, after that everything falls into place right? Welp, it's a little more complicated than that! I put my weight on the back burner for years, now is the right time to tackle it. Everyone has body image issues; so when I say there are limitations or "restrictions" you feel because of them, most can relate.  After I got the degree and career down, it was time for ME. Me to figure out what I wanted in life, what I could get my hands on. Every dream that I have is of a healthy me enjoying my life with the ones I love. 

I've made a big commitment with this program, because I believe that it will almost define the rest of my life. Okay, okay I know dramatic...but I really mean it. Having a complete fresh start, means the world to me. Once I tackle my weight, I have big plans. Confidence is something that no one can give you, it can't be taught, you have to feel it. Living in conditions that are dismal, negative and so un-motivating is a recipe for a really unhappy person. The way I look at things, is this:

I can either stay and work out my problems, or go somewhere else with them.

I got baggage to check, and it's not going anywhere with me. Planning to wipe the slate clean is a scary thing, but I'm ready for it. I'm ready for something new. Don't get me wrong, I'm not the unhappiest person in the world. I just feel like there's a whole lot of happiness out there for me, and it sure as hell isn't doing me any good being stagnant. It might not look like I'm doing much, but trust me the gears are turning.