Don't forget

Happy 84th Birthday Grandpa!

Grandpa's wheelbarrow.
I took this photo in 2003, Photography Class

October 3rd, is always a very special day for me. My grandpa was one of the most profound human beings I've ever known. I credit him with my sassy attitude, strength and tenacity for what I believe in, and the importance of giving a smile. It's still very difficult for me to talk about him, even now I have tears streaming down my face. But my post today is for him, and for that I have to keep writing.

I've been dealing with some demons that are beyond my control lately. Allowing things (more like people...) to eat me up and spit me back onto the sidewalk, just to get stomped on again. Of course I allow myself  temporary swearing fits of rage, but it really doesn't make me feel better. It occurred to me that during crappy times like these, I think of my Grandpa.

"You might not get a long with him, you might not get along with her. He said she said, and someone is always better than you. This one is luckier, this one is prettier, if I just had this.

It takes all kinds of people to make a world Thao Mai, and you just have to pick what kind of person you are."

Grandparents have this crazy way of tapping right into you. Getting right down into your soul, comforting you, making you feel like anything is bearable in life with their help. And one day they're gone--and now you're lost, and have to find your own source of wholeness. For me, it's like having to find my life all over again.

Every thought I have on giving up, every flicker of doubt I have in myself, every upsetting moment I encounter--I have to remember who I am, who Grandpa taught me to be. 

"Some people can't help that they're mean and ugly on this inside, some people don't know no better. You just go on and do what you're doing doll baby. Don't you choose to be like them people."

Another thing I know for sure, is this:

If he were here today, he sure as hell would not be eating

"rabbit food" with me...

;P

Love You Grandpa!