My theory on Mother Nature

She's a nasty bitch.

It's been cold as fuck here in the Northeast region of the country, and I'm blaming Mother Nature. It was my bright idea years ago, to buy a five speed manual car. Don't get me wrong, I love driving stick. However, I'm kicking myself in the ass now! I'd kill for an automatic car starter but alas, it's too risky to bypass the clutch to install one.

When I say cold, I mean fucking cold. Single digit, negative degree windchill. I was born and raised here, but it's been colder than usual. Mother Nature must be having some sick kind of hot flash, and insists on keeping it cool to tame her bipolar menopausal fit of rage. 

So I'm bitching about her, because I think she is a jealous bitch. Think about it, she's a big as the world and wants us to suffer. What better way to do that, than drop the temp so we deter from doing anything! It's too cold to go out, so no outside activities besides running to your car. All this cold weather makes me want to do, is stay curled up in bed, with a mug of hot coffee or cocoa, stuff my face with junk and live off of comfort food and soup until the weather breaks.

And when the weather does break, it's like a sick cosmic joke. It'll start to get warm, and you'll suddenly realize you're Shamu's stunt double on the beach. Your summer clothes are too snug, and your legs are so lumpy people will mistake you for being partially dressed as The Michelin tire man, and when you wave to your friends other parts of your arms wave too. 

It's hard not to get discouraged during this time of the year. Post holiday binging is always tough for you to recoup from. My advice, be extra careful watching what you eat, and find other ways to keep yourself active. Don't let that Jealous mean Mother Nautre, trick you into sliding back to old habits. Make her fucking pay for giving you such a shitty winter, and take fun advantage of when she gives us summer weather. Make her pay by looking AMAZING for summer; and when it rains, I promise you it's that bitch crying because you look so damn good!