Fucking Vanilla.

No matter how many different brands I try, vanilla protein shakes are just not my friend. 

I have some weird food expectations. I've explained this before. I'm always curious to try vanilla protein shakes, because I love vanilla! Well NOT this vanilla debauchery. It's disgusting. I'm glad I ordered the sample box of Shakeology, otherwise like a dummy I would have ordered a month supply of vanilla and chocolate. Oh and by the way fuck you too just a little bit chocolate Shakeology, for being so good that I thought the vanilla would be a game changer. 

It was around 10am when I decided to make this shake. Let me set the mood. The snow was fresh, glistening as the sun hit hundreds of tiny snowflakes in the air. It looked like a magical land, peaks of puffed white fluff scattered everywhere. What a great day to try something vanilla! Not all fairy tales have happy endings folks. Sorry to burst your bubbles but the melting girl does not lie. 

So I got all my shit out to whip up a vanilla shake, and to be honest my expectations were high. I was a bit afraid, because let's face it...anything you try for the first time is scary! This marks my 5th brand of vanilla protein shake I tried, and I've struck out every single time. 

Upon opening up the package, I wasn't impressed with the smell. It smelled like flour and cornstarch, yuck. But I remembered that I wasn't impressed at all with the chocolate, and I was so pleasantly surprised! I figured this was the same thing, so how bad could it be?

IT WAS PRETTY FUCKING BAD. I tasted it, and honestly wish that I hadn't, it tasted like shit. There was a sickening sweetness that lingered after you drank it, that asparatame flavor. I HATE that taste, I'd honestly rather have just regular sugar or stevia. This was so sickening sweet I had a hard time finishing it. I have it a good try, but ended up dumping it down the drain. 

They tried to make it like a vanilla bean type flavor I think. The shake was speckled with dark flecks in it, sort of how vanilla bean ice cream would look. In my experience anything vanilla flavored, tastes anything but vanilla. 

Needless to say I will never, I MEAN NEVER, attempt to drink vanilla protein shakes again. This whole experience has scarred me for life! Gross! So this fairy tale ended up being a horror story sequel...but with a productive ending. I'll go ahead and order the chocolate Shakeology, and see how it goes.